A Love Restored

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There is absolutely is reason for me to love Julian. No reason to let his keep me as his plaything. It has been one wide month since I found reit abeut Nua Things are still the same. I love him, so I let him walk.

The Tamily, so he does it.

Sometimes I feel like his side whone. I know everyone thinks so, because they stare. I still wear Julian’s symbol. He never lets me take it off. Eilon I want. to take it off, rither. It makes me feel like I belong somewhere. Belingling, to him, in such sweet agony. Everyone knows that Julian is betrothed She comes by the Central at times. They go out. They meet people, He took her out to dinner once, this very posh place, where they ate with Itun Donna. It looks like a mutige scaled in the sands. He spends the days with het, niest days, then be climbs into my bed at night. He loves ine with his meth and his Tumbs and makes me win ship his body. The Talks to me, be

He is mine, he says. Is he mine? Is he bees?

I dont think

Julian belongs to either of us. He belongs to the malia, to the family. The

Tonight I wait for Julian at his penthause while he is out willy Nun, meeting her family, Tronk myself dinner, I eat alone in the living room. I watch. schule season of Gossip Girl. Julian gets home a little Liter than mikluight. His cheeks are flushed. He’s cold. He sandles wheut lie sees nie,

“Darlin.” He sangs. “Did I keep you waiting very long!

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I shake my head, “What is in your hand?”“ 1)

Flowers Roses. For whoms?

“Oh, these are for you”

I take the bouquet from him. It’sasot fesh, Julian never gets me rises. This was supposed to be for her. I get the seconds, Rejected flowers, Flowers he maybe forgot to give her

to eat?” He asks.

“Is there something fi

“I made myself some fried rice earlier. Do you want me to heat some up for you?

He nods, smiling. As I pass him on my way to the kitchen he grabs my hand, polling me to him, placing a light kiss on my mouth. I don’t deserve you.”

I don’t answer. 1 smile against his mouth. A small smile. I wonder if he sees it. Does he know it’s not real? I don’t like when he comes home smelling like another girl.

Sometimes he brings all the things she bakes him. We eat them together and laugh about it. I dont like doing it. Nos is not in the wrong here.

“Did you not eat with Nua’s paren

parents?” I ask, landing him a bons of tier.

He shoves a spoonful into his mouth. These are

e great.” He tells me.

“That’s not what I asked.”

He stares at me for a second. I don’t usually talk to him this way. “There was a problems. It’s alright, nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

I nod. If I press on, he’ll just get mail. I try not to waste the little time we get together lighting.

“Do you want to go out for a bit tonight?” I ask him. “Let’s get dessert from one of those hakeries that are open all night long.”

“I am a bit tired, dailin,” He tells me, “I’ll take you tomorrow

Julian finishes his food, then goes to wash up. I being the flowers to his room, placing them on a table, I lie in his bed with my phone. I can hear the sound of the

shower running. I know he would like me to join. But I cannot bring myself to

He steps out ten minutes later, his hair wet, his beard lightly frimmed. He has a towell wrapped around his waist. I smile at him lazily, God, beautiful. He summons me with a finger. I know what he wants. I go to him, and get on my knees.

“Take off your top.” He tells me. I do as he says. I am not wearing a bra underneath. He likes that, watching my breasts bounce as I take off the string top Iluve on

I undo his towel with my hands and get to work. He likes when I use my mouth on him. I like when he’s happy.

We move to the bed, and he plays with me, trasing, denying, kissing, stroking. God, I love him. I hate him so much. But I love him more. I don’t know how to function without his hands on me. I don’t know what to do with myself but love him.

Julian kisses the base of my neck, and slowly slips inside me, his mouth on my neck, his hands on my breasts. I wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer. When he is inside me I forget everything else in the world but to please him. He’s being slow, taking his time, sensual, so we both savour it. He looks into my eyes, stroking the side of my face gently.

“You are divine.” He whispers. “No one is so lovely as you.”

The intensity in his eyes overwhelms me, I turn my face to the side. My eyes fall on the small bouquet of red roses. Julian pushes into me with a little more force,

kissing behind my ear. This all I will ever have from him. False lovemaking. Nua’s leftovers. Promises of a redemption that will never take place. A tear falls from my eye. I don’t think Julian notices for a second or two. When he does, he stops. “Am I hurting you?” He asks. “I thought this was soft. Are you not wet enough? What can

I do for you?”

I shake my head, my eyes filling with tears. My heart feels heavy, my throat all closed up. “You gave me the flowers you got for her.” I whisper. He doesn’t try to deny it. He knows I know, “I don’t want her seconds. My voice is weak and wavering. Ugly. Ugly is how I would describe myself right now. Ugly. Wanted, but not so much, Liked, but not enough. Enough to be fucked, not enough to be loved. Not enough to be married.

“No, no, no.” He says, pulling out of me, I feel the instant loss. “She’s the one getting seconds, Ginevra, I swear,” He closes his eyes in pain, lowering his head so our foreheads are pressed together, I can feel his breath brush my skin lightly.

“I love you.” I tell him. I don’t know how

take this.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and the silence that surrounds us is deafening “Just a little more, darlin‘. A little more.”

I wiggle under him, trying to get away, and he takes the hint, getting off of me. I roll onto

my

y side and curl up into a ball. “Good night, julian.”

Just then, we hear knocking at the door to his house. I get I tell him. I need to get away from this. From him. From her.

I grab Julian’s T shirt and pull it over my head, and make my way to the door. I’m sure I look like hell – my hair all messed up, my eyes red from crying.

There is knocking again, and I open the door. The person and I are both surprised to see each other.

“Nua?”