BAIDER (ENGLISH VERSION)

ANMELA’S POV

A few weeks ago I went to work with no appetite, no energy and I could hardly eat. Alem always took care of me. Ardent was here right after work. Even though I was embarrassed because I was pestering them for what was happening to me. They could no longer ignore me. I knew they loved me so much.

My head said Laurent, day and night.

I almost did not cry anymore, I often stared at nowhere, waiting for him to come back.

He left me.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Maybe that is how life really is. You do not control who leaves and stays. Even if he says he loves someone else I do not believe that because he can not lie. The act he shows to take care of me and my family is the action of a man who is crazily in love.

“Eat at least a little,” Alem preached to me.

“That’s enough, Anmela! He’s gone. When are you going to accept that, huh?”

I just looked at her with tears flowing to my cheek.

“I love him so much, Alem.” I could not stop crying so loud even though some nurses were looking at me. I was just ignoring that.

My parents did not know that we broke up. For sure, they would worry so I did not tell them.

“Does he love you?”

My heart was broken by his question. Does he really love me? Or does he not love me? It was impossible that he did not love me, but why did it happen so suddenly? He left me just because he saw that I was having deep thoughts of something?

Every day I remember his smiling face. I hope that one day when I wake up I will see him again, but I am depressed when Ardent is the one I always see every morning. He takes care of me tirelessly but whatever he does I can’t help to compare how much I admire Laurent.

“Have breakfast. I’ll be back after work,” Ardent said as breakfast was prepared on the table. I was so shy. It was like I was a child to take care of.

Laurent used to do that.

“Thank you, Ardent.” I fake a smile just to show how grateful I was to him, but it was obvious in my face that I was sad.

He smiled and ruffled my hair. “You’ll just wake up one day you’ve forgotten him.”

I looked at him with sad eyes. “Hopefully, Ardent. Hopefully.”

I said that even though I knew I would never have thought to forget him. He was the only man I loved.

Ardent came over and kissed my forehead. I wanted to shout at him why he did that but I did not have the strength so I just looked at him.

“Look at me once, even for a moment,” Ardent said passionately. There was a spark of unknown emotion in his eyes.

My forehead furrowed at the confusion he put inside my head.

“Huh?”

“You’ve always been with me but never once did you notice me.” His voice was just soft, full of emotion that I could not explain.

“I do not understand you?”

“You really don’t understand. Your attention is always on him. Where did you see me anyway? He left you, didn’t he?”

I sighed before speaking again “Maybe you’re right.”

“How long will you be crazy to someone who already leaves you after promising that he will stay?”

It was as if the cold water had been poured on me at what he said.

How long? My life was stuck in my past. It did not move anymore. How would it move if Laurent was not here anymore? I have no life without him.

“Ardent…” I started to cry due to my aching chest. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. It hurts so much! The pain is killing me.”

I let him hug me tightly. Ardent, Alem, my parents, they are all I have.

Laurent? He walked away.

“Why does it have to be this painful?”

“Come home. Let’s go to the bar tonight so that you can do something different.” I liked the idea of his invitation. I never went to the bar for years unless Laurent was with me.

I just nodded, agreeing with him.

“I think I can’t go to work now.” Ardent immediately said as he saw how devastated I was.

I told him to go to work. I even pushed him to go away. In the end, I won.

*************

I looked at myself in the mirror. I viewed the size of the eyebags, the thinner body I had, the pale lips. I could not see who I used to be. I need to fix myself if not I would drown in my own insanity. I showered and dressed properly, put on make-up and fixed my hair. Soon Alem and Ardent will be here.

“Wow!” They both said.

I forced a smile. “Let’s go!” I turned around and showed them the biggest smile. This time, I was happy that I would get along with them.

We went to the bar, got drunk and talked about the stuff that we used to talk about.

We were sitting on the couch, Ardent, me and Alem.

“I still remember when my frog jumped during the zoology class, everyone ran.” The sound of Alem’s laughter mixed the sound of the loud music to the bar.

I laughed out loud when I remembered that. Even me was running at that time. The frog was brave while leaping his feet.

“Yeah, I could still imagine the faces of the girls, they were all screaming like they saw a ghost.” I continued her story.

Ardent just smiled and listened to our conversation. We had plenty of conversations during college. When we were tired, I stood up.

“Let’s dance.” I did not wait for their response, I went to the dancefloor even though I was dizzy.

The two followed and we danced like crazy.

I don’t know how to dance unlike Laurent. Something showed up in my memory when I first saw him dancing early in the morning. His moves were smooth and very handsome. Ardent grabbed my waist. We laughed and laughed while dancing. My happiness was true. This was the moment that I lacked when Laurent was beside me. I spent most of the day with him.

Suddenly I caught a glimpse of the dark part of that bar. My eyes widened when I saw Laurent. I closed my eyes and opened it. I looked at it again and there was no one there.

Am I imagining him? Sad.

“What’s the problem?” Ardent asked as she saw me glimpsing left and right.

I just smiled and danced again. “Nothing.”

He seems to be really there but it is impossible.

There was no reason for him to be here. He does not care about me anymore. That thought was causing me to hug Ardent. My tears are dripping again.

“Anmela, we’re here to be happy,” he reminded me.

I immediately wiped away my tears. Of course I have to be happy.

Laurent…

That name just kept coming back to me. Is he thinking the way I am? Probably not. Maybe he moved on.

“Ye yo ye!” Alem was raising her hands, swaying her hips. Her eyes were closing while dancing, not minding the mess of the world.

I wish he was here.