Big Bad Alphas

Chapter 39

"Isabella," a familiar voice calls, and I turn back to see Evangeline running towards me. "Wait."

I stop and secure my towel, "I'm sorry, I have to leave."

She catches up to me. "Just relax, you're too worked up, too irrational."

"I can't stay here."

She reaches out to me. "Just come with me, get some clothes and calm down."

I shake my head, hating the fact that I have to refuse her. "I'm sorry—"

"He doesn't have to know. Please, just come stay with me for the night. Eric doesn't have to know

that you're with me." My eyes drift off. Evangeline seems desperate in her task to keep me on pack

land. "Just sleep on it."

I follow her back towards her house and enter with hesitation. She leads me upstairs and brings me

clothes, reminding me of a mother, one I never had. I change and follow her back downstairs.

Sebastian, her mate, is not here, and she sets me on the couch before bringing me a glass of water. I

sip it, sit back, breathe, and take another sip.

"Thank you, for the hospitality," I mumble, feeling worn out and depressed.

She looks at me worriedly. "All I'm asking is that you sleep on it, okay?"

I nod, for her, and she sits down with me.

"What caused this, Isabella?" Evangeline asks carefully.

I set down my water and take a few deep breaths. "I used to be the strong one, you know," the

thought makes me almost laugh at myself. "I used to never show the weak side of me, for my sister,

and she saw it tonight. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can hardly think straight sometimes."

Evangeline looks down as if she recalls something. "You know, I've been in your situation too many

times. Confused, not thinking clearly, continually making the wrong decisions, believing that I shouldn't

be a Luna—that I can't be. I tried running away once or twice—ran out in a towel too—and I thought I

was losing my mind. Being mated to an Alpha, being a Luna, taking care of your sister; none of it is

easy. Just stop, take a breath, and remember who you are. The worst thing that can happen is losing

yourself through all of this. Having a mental breakdown is normal, just don't let it take over for too long."

I lean back further into the couch and sigh. Evangeline is right, I am losing myself, and I have to

grasp on before I'm like this forever. "What am I supposed to do? Everything I did—what I said, how is

he expected to forgive me?"

"Eric is understanding. You may have gotten him all riled up, but on the inside he's forgiving. Don't be

turned away by the Alpha reactions, just sit down, the two of you alone, and be honest. An Alpha acts

all intimidating and mighty when they feel threatened—worried even. You've worried him, Isabella."

I bite the inside of my cheeks and swipe the falling hairs from my face. "Lately, that's all I've been

doing. I don't know why. I just—I act on impulse instead of actually thinking like I used to."

"There are many emotions in the Mate bond, and maybe you just became overwhelmed," she

genuinely says to me, making me look up to her, again, the mother I never had. My mother never

talked to me about feelings, as my father's death destroyed hers. "Take a day or two, stay here, collect

your thoughts, organize your mind, and when you're ready, talk with him. Now isn't the time to run

away. Your sister needs you; she's here for you. Kendra is welcome to stay here as well, or Marina can

care for her."

I shake my head. "Marina—I've asked too much of her. I feel terrible."

"Marina loves children, Isabella. I'm sure she would be delighted to watch over your sister for the day.

And when you're ready, you can explain to Kendra too on why you needed a break."

I look to Evangeline, completely open for her help. "Why are you doing this for me?"

"We're similar, Isabella. You're also my son's mate, the packs future, and I care about you, your well-

being. I wish I had someone to talk to me when I was younger and going through the same problems."

After our talk, I went to bed. The next morning Evangeline and I had breakfast together and spoke so

more about my recent feelings and actions, relating them to her past ones and talking about ways to fix

them. Conversing with her is a tremendous help, making me feel more like the old, stable me than ever.

Evangeline stayed with her promise on keeping Eric from me, from my location. He does not know

where I am currently, and I wonder if he is thinking about me. I want to be better for him, for my sister,

for Caroline, the pack, Evangeline, and my future. My thoughts of not wanting a mate anymore seem

unreal now, and after a full day of healing, I truly, and utterly miss Eric. We agreed on another day

away, yet sleeping the second night was a problem unlike the first.

The next morning we drank tea, an earthy mixture that tasted funny, yet calmed me. Afterward,

Evangeline took me for a walk through the forest, and like before; I noticed my surroundings more

thoroughly. In my head, I described it all to myself, and I wanted to share this with my Mate. I

remember our moments together when he would only listen.

Towards the end of the day, Caroline comes through the door after agreeing not to tell Eric. Together Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

we sit in the living room.

"How are you feeling? I've been worried about you," she softly asks.

"I needed this."

"Eric's been quiet the past two days. I think he needed a break too."

I fold my hands together, feeling excited to see him tomorrow. "How is everything? Was anything

missing from the office?"

"Future guard schedules, meeting plans, stuff like that. Things that would help decide the perfect time

for an attack. Obviously, we're prepared now, after changing everything around. There have been a few

rogue and member sightings around the borders. We think he's planning to do it soon."

Caroline abandons the topic of pack safety and talks about Lucas for a solid while. I enjoy hearing

about their happiness. Caroline deserves someone good, someone whiling to give up anything for her.

She tells me that he will be joining our pack since Alpha Kenn practically removed him from his. I

wonder what Alpha Kenn thinks about Lucas' abandoning if he knows that he has spilled the plans. It is

likely that he does.

"How is Kendra?"

"Well, she keeps asking when you'll be back, but Marina is teaching her how to bake. They made

peanut butter cookies today."

I smile. "Good. Tell her I'll be back tonight."

Caroline raises an eyebrow. "I thought you were coming back tomorrow?"

"I know, I was, but I just miss everyone too much. Your mother helped me, and without her, I couldn't

have gotten through this, but I feel pretty good. I want to be with Kendra, with you guys again. I-I need

some sleep. And I have to talk with Eric."

"You're going to talk to him?"

I let out a laugh. "Well, I can't just ignore him for the rest of my life. I love him, Caroline. I made

mistakes, he did too, and now I really want to mend things."

Caroline leaves and I tell Evangeline that I am ready to return home. She walks me back after dinner,

and I walk up to the door alone. Glancing back at Evangeline, she smiles and turns away, ready to

head home. I sigh and do the same.

The door opens slowly, and I peek through before submerging myself. Most of the lights are off. Kendra

must be in bed, and Marina must have left, which leaves one person.

The kitchen is empty and so is his office, so I make my way upstairs. Before trying the bedroom doors,

I peer into Kendra's room, seeing her safe and in bed, fast asleep. Light trickles from my bedroom, as

the door is not completely closed. I bite my lip and prepare for the worst as I reach my hand out and

inch it open.

I see Eric right away. He is looking down at the bed, lacking a shirt, and carrying a blank expression. I

know he senses my presence.

"Eric," I murmur, closing the door without looking away from him. The room is dim, and the bathroom

light illuminates his strapping back, the one my fingers have dragged down before.

"Where did you go?"

I take a breath, remembering all I have been through with Evangeline. "I was with your mother, staying

with her."

"Why?"

"I needed time to collect myself. I haven't been myself lately." He says nothing, but I near him. "I know

what I did was stupid, and mindless, and the last thing I wanted to do was harm the pack. I want to be

good for the pack; I want to be good for you. These last few days I've really looked at who I've become,

and I don't like that person. You're the only sure thing in my life, and that scares me."

Eric looks to me.

"I've had a bit of a breakdown, but I'm done with it now, I'm done messing up."