Finding Forgiveness

She looked down and met my eyes.

“Don’t trust him,” was all she said before she looked back up and continued to stare into vacant space.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

“Why?” I asked. “Who’s side is he on?”

She paused again, “His own.”

There was silence for another few minutes. I remained crouched in front of her, completely lost for what to do. I had no idea how to comfort her.

I gently took my hands and pressed them against my lips, “It won’t feel like this forever.”

She nodded meekly.

“Are we safe here?” she asked looking around.

I hesitated, “Yes.”

“Why do I feel like that isn’t true?” she replied, seeing right through me.

“We leave this Godforsaken country at first light,” I said, dodging the question. “Then we’ll get home and everything will be alright.”

“But he is still out there,” she pointed out. “And he won’t give up.”

I nodded, “I know.”

I then squeezed her hands again, “You should get some sleep.”

Out of nowhere, a tear suddenly fell out of her eye and landed on my hand. She quickly wiped it away and turned away as if she didn’t want me to see her cry.

“Ella,” I said. “Look at me please.”

She slowly turned back to me, her watery blue eyes beginning to flood.

“You’re not alone anymore,” I said. “I don’t know what I can do to make you feel less pain but know that I would do anything.”

“Just stay with me… please,” she replied.

“Of course,” I said, shuffling closer. “I’m not going anywhere.”

A slight smile twitched at her lips before she slipped off the rock and into my lap. I lay down, wrapping my arms around her so that her head rested on my chest and lay still. She felt skinny and frail in my arms. I could feel the sharp bones of her back through her shirt and she was so small and light that I could hardly feel her weight on me. Earlier, she had refused to eat and only reluctantly had a small sip of water at my request.

I lay awake for hours. I didn’t want to let myself sleep in case she woke and needed me so I just stared up at the tree branches, holding her close to me, cursing Andrea Martinez.

“Alpha-” a voice said.

“Sssh,” I hissed. “She’s sleeping.”

It was Luca. He was commanding at a camp a few miles away or that’s what I’d told him to do at least.

I sat up, taking care not to disturb Ella and faced him.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” I said. “Who’s in charge of Camp 47?”

“I had to come and see her,” he replied.

I nodded. Ella and Luca were inseparable. I could understand why he wanted to see her after she’d been gone for months.

“How is she?” he asked.

“Been better,” I replied brushing a strand of hair off her face. “Physically she’s weak and injured, mentally she’s broken. And unfortunately, I don’t think she has even realised the worst part yet.”

“The worst part?” Luca asked.

I looked down to check so was still sound asleep.

“She’s pregnant,” I said quietly as I looked up to him. “I can sense it.”

There was silence as the information sunk into his head. I’d realised a few hours previously but seeing how much grief she was already experiencing, it felt like she wouldn’t have coped with any more. It boiled my blood to know she was carrying his child but the last thing she needed to see was me angry. And so I withstood the fury as much as possible, cursing Andrea Martinez to the pits of hell from inside my head.

Luca let out a short, furious breath, “Have we decided who gets to kill that piece of shit yet? Because I want in.”

“I’m starting to think death would be too merciful,” I muttered through gated teeth.

“Are you going to tell her?” he asked.

“No,” I said firmly. “And you won’t either. Understand?”

Luca nodded, “Yes, Alpha. But she should know, shouldn’t she?”

“You haven’t seen her eyes, Luca. The way she looks so empty and vacantly. It feels almost like I have her body back but she’s no longer inhabiting it. One more thing and we could lose her forever.”

I felt a tear run down my cheek which I just let sit for a few moments before I wiped it away.

“She can’t know. Not yet.”

He nodded again, “Let her know I came by.”

“Of course,” I replied and he disappeared back into the jungle.

At around 3 am, she woke in a sweating startled mess screaming and sobbing.

“I have to go back,” she said sitting up. “I have to go back, I have to go back.”

“Ella, what’s wrong? Go back where?” I questioned holding her as she tried to get to her feet.

“Back to Andrea,” she replied trying to get out of my hands. “If I don’t, he’ll kill us all. I can’t let him hurt you.”

She was frantic and she fought as much as her weak body would allow.

“Ella, calm down,” I said.

Her noise was beginning to wake the men in the camp and undoubtedly could be heard by anyone at least a few miles away.

“You have to let me go!” she exclaimed. “Please!”

She then let out a howl and I was forced to slam my hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled with panic at my force and I felt terrible for it but I couldn’t risk being ambushed by Andrea’s men.

“Ells,” I hushed kissing her head as I tried to comfort her.