Finding Forgiveness

He picked up a blanket from the bottom of the bed and lay it over me before taking my hand and sitting beside me.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Why am I here? The last thing I remember is falling asleep in the jungle.”

“You were in a coma,” he said. “This thing is a life support machine. It’s been keeping you alive.”

“A coma?” I asked. “For how long?”

I dreaded his answer.

“Only two and a half weeks,” he replied.

Could be worse.

“The kids,” I whispered. “When do I get to see them?”

“As soon as you are strong enough,” he replied taking my hand. “You’re in no state to see eight excited children right now but I will send them your love.”

I nodded.

“What happened?” I asked. “What did I miss?”

“Well…” he began. “You’ve been through a lot. At one point we didn’t know you’d live. And part of you didn’t. You were pregnant, Ella.”

“Pregnant?” I questioned in disbelief. “Were?”

“You miscarried and after that, you improved,” he added.

“No,” I said. “No. I had his child inside of me?”

My heart rate began to raise again along with the beeping of a machine beside me.

“But you don’t anymore. The trauma caused you to miscarriage,” he explained.

I felt an unexplainable deep sense of loss. It was almost as bad as when Leo and I lost a baby. But Andrea wasn’t my mate and I despised him with everything I had so why was I upset to have miscarried his child?

“Oh, Leo,” I whispered beginning to sob.

He leant down squeezed my hand tighter and wiped my eyes with his thumb.

“You’re going to be okay,” he reassured.

“And what of Andrea?” I asked.

“We haven’t heard from him,” Leo said. “There’s been no sign of him since we left South America.”

Another tear slipped down my cheek.

“So it’s not over?” I asked.Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.

He shook his head, “Not yet.”

I squeezed his hand and and forced a smile.

“Bring the kids here as soon as they say I’m well enough. And Luca and Max and my Mom and your Mom and-”

“Alright alright,” he said with a laugh. “All in good time. Just get some rest, okay?”

“As if I haven’t been lying here for two and a half weeks,” I said.

He smiled and kissed my hand.

“It’s good to have you back.”

Leo refused to leave.

When I first woke up, it was clear I’d had some memory loss because the longer I sat in that hospital bed, the more traumatic images began to flood back in and the more grateful I was to have him right next to me.

“Andrea forced me to watch Alessio be murdered,” I whispered after at least an hour of silence. “And he ordered it because I refused to apologise for being disrespectful to Luciano and he wanted to teach me a lesson. His throat was slit and I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my mind. I close my eyes and it’s there. And the worst part is it was my fault. I couldn’t bring myself to submit and as a result, there are two kids out there without a Dad. Can you imagine the guilt I face for that?”

“You can not hold yourself accountable,” Leo said firmly. “The only person responsible for Alessio’s death is Andrea Martinez. He wants you to feel guilty to torture you psychologically. Don’t let him get t you.”

I shook my head as I began to cry.

“All he wanted me to do was say one simple sorry to Luciano and I wouldn’t do it,” I replied. “Why didn’t I do it?”

“There is no point dwelling on it,” Leo said. “Nothing can be changed.”

“Out of all the things he did, that was by far the worst. The pain of all the times he hit, raped and beat me amounted together doesn’t even come close to it.”

By this point, the tears were streaming.

“Alessio’s family are receiving all the support they need,” I reassured. “And he is respected as a good, loyal soldier willing to sacrifice himself for his Luna and his pack. There were hundreds at his funeral.”

“But he’s still dead.”

Leo nodded and squeezed my hand. He clearly didn’t know how else to comfort me.

“Come here,” I said moving aside in the bed. “I’m cold and I miss your cuddles.”

“Are you sure, Ella?” he asked. “I don’t want to cross the line. Not with everything you’ve been through.”

I nodded, “It’s okay.”

He smiled and climbed into the bed next to me. His arm wrapped around me and I rested my head on his chest.

“You’re freezing,” he said pulling me in tighter.

“I want to sleep. You’ll stay, won’t you?” I asked.

“Of course,” he replied.

“Promise me I won’t wake up and you’ll be gone,” I added looking up into his eyes.

“I promise.”

I nodded and laid my head back down.

It was ages before I could actually sleep. With so many thoughts and memories, it’s hard for your mind to slip into rest.