Finding Forgiveness

“You will help me. But under my conditions.”

“Of course,” he said, holding out his hand.

I looked down at his hand, hesitated for a moment before reaching forward and firmly taking his hand.

“First condition: you will not ask me about my life. My Mother especially,” I growled.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

“Your wish is my command. Besides, what is there to ask…? She abandoned you years ago, right? Nothing more to it.”

I clenched my jaw.

“How do you know that?” I hissed.

“My cousin told me of course. We’re very close. She tells me everything,” Luciano replied.

Ella was the first person I had ever told about my childhood. She had been missing home and trying desperately to seek some kind of humanity in me. So for just a few minutes, I’d let her have the slight comfort of finding it.

I knew I’d live to regret it and here we are.

I stepped forward and looked Luciano right in the eye. He didn’t look away or seem in any way affected by my glare.

“Never mention this again,” I growled.

He did nothing but stand up and walk towards the door.

“I’ll be back this evening with the other coordinates,” he said before leaving my office and then the house.

I hate him thoroughly and I hate letting people get away with disrespecting me.

But unfortunately, he is right.

When I attack, I have to find Ella before I find Loren and for that, I need to know where he will hide her.

Ella’s POV

Luca had come by the house for what was supposed to be a brief visit to drop off groceries but he had quickly become engrossed in a game of Mario kart with my sons and judging by the screams and shouts coming from the living room, it wasn’t looking like he was going anywhere any time soon.

So Max took the opportunity to leave us with him and take Milly home. He didn’t say a word, or even look at me as he marched her out of the house and down the drive.

She looked back helplessly and gave me a small, teary smile as I stood from the doorstep, full of guilt. I knew my intentions to protect the pack were good but that doesn’t mean it was right. Milly gave us a drop of hope that we were all too quick to snatch at before we considered the consequences and we should have listened to Max. We shouldn’t have used our power as Alpha and Luna to override his wishes regarding his own kid sister.

After they’d gone, I shut the front door and stared at the wooden panels on its back.

I could hear my heart pounded in my ear and my chest was beginning to squeeze and constrict like someone had tied a belt around it. I clenched my fists and bit my cheek but I couldn’t hold back my tears for long. My vision soon blurred with water I kept my eyes fixated on the wood of the door.

Then the sobs came silently, seizing my throat as I fell to my knees, hardly able to breathe.

I clasped the floorboards with my nails as I clenched my eyes shut tight. The pressure built inside me. In my head especially. I needed to cry, to wail, to howl. My face contorted and creased but nothing could come out. Nothing except floods of tears.

“Ella?” Luca’s voice asked from the hall, “What’s wrong.”

He dropped to the ground beside me but I couldn’t speak or move to acknowledge him.

“Ella, you need to breathe,” he said rubbing my back, “Ella.”

I shook my head repeatedly as I clasped my nails at my head, desperate to release the pressure in some way. But nothing was working and it only grew more immense until it totally consumed me.

After that, I don’t really know what happened.

At some point I ended up on the sofa, staring vacantly down at the swirls and patterns of the rug.

It slowly grew dark outside and the kids gradually began to tire. The squeals of joy as the played Mario kart began to get quieter and eventually even Cato wasn’t climbing all over Luca, sabotaging his attempt at ‘rainbow’ road. One by one, they began to drop off and Luca carried them upstairs as they slept in his arms.

“How are you?” Luca asked once they were all in bed.

I shrugged. My mouth was dry and my cheeks stung with the salt of my tears. Inside, the turmoil continued. It was at bay but my panic attack was hardly unprovoked. Andrea was still out there and those six sleeping kids were still in danger. Milly still could never live peacefully in this pack again and Max still hated me.

Just then, the wheels of a car rolled into the drive.

“It’s Max,” Luca said coming back into the living room after looking through the window in the hall. “Do you want to go or should I?”

I got to my feet, “I’ll go,” I said.

He nodded and I headed for the front door.

Max was just getting out of his car as I stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind me.

As he opened the door, the internal light flickered on, revealing Milly sat in the front passenger seat. Her cheeks were tear-stained and her face distraught.

He left her and came up to the doorstep where I stood. He paused on the bottom step as I gave him a meek smile.

“I’ve had some time to calm down,” he said after swallowing, “I haven’t forgiven you but I wanted to say goodbye because you’re still my friend.”

“You’re really going,” I said as my heart began to sink.

He nodded and there was a silent pause as he just stood in the drive, his hands now delved deep into his pocket.

“She doesn’t really wanna go. I feel awful for forcing her but…” he said before looking back to the car. “I know it’s best.”

I nodded as I began to walk down the steps to where he stood at the bottom, “She knows you care about her more than anyone else.”

Max smiled, “I care about you too. Far more than you damn deserve.”

I let out a light laugh as I held back my tears, “How long do you think you’ll be gone for?” I asked trying to keep it together.

“I don’t think Milly will ever be able to return. But me? Maybe when she finds her mate or is old enough to look after herself out there. I don’t know but you haven’t seen the last of me yet, Ella Jones.”

I smiled before I felt the tears begin to fall. Not willing to stand there letting him watch me cry, I lurched forward and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

He hugged me back and rested his head on mine.

“Look after the Alpha, won’t you?” he said. “And call me if you ever wanna talk… or argue or whatever the fuck we do.”

I laughed, “I will.”

“And I know this is the worst time I could possibly be leaving you but I’ve got to look out for my little sister.”

“I’m a grown-up now, Maxy,” I said. “You know I’ll be okay.”