Forbidden Desire

I didn’t have the strength to say no anymore, couldn’t deny the fact that I desired him since the first day. No other man has ever made me feel anything like this, and even though I knew he was only doing this in a frustrated attempt to forget Jinhee, if that’s what he wanted, I would give it to him. I heard part of his argument with Jinhee, heard him trashing the room. I knew he was hurting and just wanted to comfort him, no matter how. Initially, I planned just to taste him, let him spill in my mouth and savor him as I always wanted. When he put me under that office table, I tried to say I was a virgin, but I was afraid it would push him away, and seeing his dominant look that silenced me completely, I couldn’t fight anymore, not against him, not against myself. So I just surrendered and let him use me as he pleased, I felt all the pain and pleasure of having him inside me.

I enjoyed every sensation my mind had imagined so many times and was now real. I felt his urgent touches on my skin, which seemed to burn with desire, felt him invading me, demanding, possessing everything that had always been his and his alone. I focused on his moans, on the veins in his neck that became apparent as he increased his thrusts, on his eyes rolling back whenever he reached the depths of my intimacy, hitting all my sensitive spots, on his tattooed chest rising and falling faster as his breath grew labored, on his beautiful pink lips that remained slightly parted and sometimes let out some curses or simply told me how much he was enjoying it. Until I couldn’t take it anymore and clung to him with my legs begging for more and exploding in an orgasm totally different from what I felt when touching myself alone.

When I felt him spilling inside me, I felt like I was in heaven, I couldn’t imagine that the sensation of his hot jets of cum running down my intimacy would give me so much pleasure, but I was wrong. Everything about him aroused me, and I wasn’t regretful. However, when I saw his shocked look upon noticing the blood staining his member red, my mind started working, and I imagined the various possible scenarios. When he raised his voice looking horrified to ask me if I was a virgin, my whole body trembled, and the only reaction I had was to get out of there as quickly as possible. I grabbed my clothes scattered on the floor and ran as fast as I could before he said how sorry he was or kicked me out of here. I ran to my room and locked the door, leaning against it and sliding to the floor, letting the tears take over me. My aunt warned me that he just wanted to use me, and I was aware of that when I surrendered to him, so why was I so emotional now?

At this moment, anxiety consumes me, and I can only imagine what I would do from now on. Of course, he would distance himself from me, maybe even fire me, or worse than that, act like nothing had happened, like we were strangers. After all, he slept with his secretary and had the nerve to tell me that it didn’t mean anything, if she, who was beautiful and from her Instagram photos with a different man every week, must be very experienced, he said he felt nothing, imagine with me. I didn’t even move; he moved in my mouth as he pleased, and when we had sex, the only thing I did was stay there with my legs open trying to disguise how much it hurt, unsuccessfully. Damn it, Jane! The only chance you had to sleep with the man of your dreams, and you couldn’t even do anything.

I bet it was much better for him with that blonde, and it was definitely much better with Jinhee. Now I had to be prepared for whatever happened, had to start looking for a job elsewhere in case he fired me, had to prepare to hide it from my aunt, but mainly had to try to prepare my heart for the fact that sooner or later, he and Jinhee would be back. I know he loves her, and I know that love will eventually make him forgive her. I lose myself in my thoughts, and when I realize it’s already past three in the morning. I grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower, when I looked in the mirror, I could see all the marks he left on my body, and touching them reminded me of all the sensations he made me feel. I walked out of there and went to my room and lay down, staring at the ceiling all night, and part of me really thought he would barge into my room at any moment as he always did, asking me to sleep here, but he had already got what he wanted, so of course, he wouldn’t do that. I ended up being overcome by fatigue and only woke up in the morning with my aunt calling me.

“Jane, are you late?”

“Sorry, Aunt! I’m coming!”

I got up, made the bed, grabbed my uniform, and went to the bathroom to do my hygiene. I came out already dressed and went straight to the kitchen where my aunt was preparing breakfast.

“Quick, grab these pancakes and take them to the dining room before Mrs. Park wakes up.”

“She’s gone.”

I simply said, and she looked at me astonished.

“Gone?”

“Yes. Mr. Park kicked her out yesterday.”

She looked at me suspiciously, and I shrugged, trying not to show anything of what I was really feeling.

“How do you know that?”

“I got home late from college yesterday and ended up hearing some shouts.”

“My God! I can’t even say who I feel more sorry for.”

“For him, of course.”

“I don’t know, his last actions with her were pretty heavy, I was expecting him to hit her.”

“He would never do that, Aunt. I was putting some fresh orange juice in the glass jar when she approached me, grabbing my face in her hands, making me look into her eyes, which I could see were full of concern.

“Believe me, my daughter, we never know how far men can go. For love and for hate, they go mad. Moreover, please, open your eyes and see that he’s no saint. I’ve known this boy since he was a child and I was there during his dating phase when he was with a different girl every day. If he and Mrs. Park don’t get back together, which to be honest, I highly doubt. I’m sure he’ll go back to being the same playboy he was before getting married. The same one who had fun with several girls, and nothing would make me sadder than if one of those girls was you.”

She looked sad, and her eyes filled with tears, probably remembering her past love. She took a deep breath before continuing, her voice choked with tears when she said,

“So please, my daughter, now more than ever, be very careful with him. Don’t let him use you like your aunt was used and discarded in the past because I couldn’t bear to see that happen to you.”

I could feel the urgency in her plea, and for a few minutes, I remembered my grandmother; she always asked me to be careful with men because they don’t feel things like we do. We are guided by the heart, and they by desire. Yesterday, I was making love to him while I knew he was only having sex and using my body in an attempt to forget for a few moments that the love of his life had gone away. This thought makes my eyes well up, and upon realizing this, my aunt pulls me into a hug that makes me break down completely.

I end up crying as I have been doing every day since I arrived at this house and fell in love with Jason. We finished setting up the breakfast trays and took them to the dining room. When we were almost done setting things on the table, Jason entered the room wearing a black suit, perfectly combed hair, with his woody perfume that drove me crazy, making my whole body shiver, and I almost dropped the pitcher I was holding.

“Good morning.”

He said seriously without addressing anyone in particular, and my aunt and I responded in unison while I noticed that he never looked at me. As I imagined, he was ignoring me, and I didn’t know what was worse, this or getting fired. From now on, I would have to see him with various women while the memories of last night haunted me for the rest of my days, knowing that I would never feel that again. My aunt and I started serving breakfast while he seemed very busy typing something on his phone. At one point, he smiled at the screen, and I had to hold back tears. He must have been talking to other women already, and probably from now on, I would live constantly with jealousy of what was never mine.

“Mrs. Amelia, can you get me some strawberry jam?”

“Yes, sir!”

My aunt left the room, and I was finishing pouring some juice into his glass when finally his eyes met mine, and my name came out of his lips in a dragged tone that made my intimacy contract as he lightly grabbed my wrist to get my attention.

“Jane?”

Before he could say anything, my aunt came back, and I was startled; this woman must have run because she didn’t even stay outside the room for ten seconds.

“I remembered that we’re out of strawberry jam because I couldn’t find the brand you like, sir.”

“Alright, bring honey then.”

He nodded, and she seemed to think better of it as she turned to me.

“Shall we, Jane?”Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.

I stared at him, and he looked away. I hesitated for a moment, but then followed her to the kitchen.

“Dear, try not to be alone with him. From now on, I want you by my side all the time when you’re working. Please! I’m asking you again, stay away from Mr. Park.”

I nodded, but my mind could only focus on the fraction of seconds when our eyes met and our skins touched. He seemed to want to tell me something, but what would it be?

“Good morning, girls!”

“Good morning!”

We replied in unison.

“What are you doing here so early?”

“Mr. Park called me early asking me to take care of some things for him, it seems he wants to do something in the library and wants it done as soon as possible because he called me and five other employees. They’re all waiting outside already.”

“How strange! I always took care of this kind of thing, and he didn’t even tell me anything.”

“It’s very strange.”

He laughed nervously as if he knew something, and the older woman looked at him suspiciously.

“Tell me now what you know!”

She said in an authoritative tone, and the younger one was startled.

“I don’t know anything, Mrs. Amelia.”

“You think you can fool me, boy? You’re still in diapers and think you can fool me?”

I ended up laughing at my aunt’s phrase because it reminded me that my grandmother always said that to me.

“Alright, Mrs. Amelia, but for God’s sake don’t tell anyone I said this. He asked me not to let you or Jane go up to the second floor.”