Forbidden Desire

I never knew how to be firm or harsh with Jason, but as I realized today, everything has a limit, even my tolerance. He had been cold with me since we returned from Thailand, and to be honest, I would prefer him to argue with me than to continue treating me like this. My aunt always said that I should be careful because he wasn’t the man for me, and the more time I spend in this relationship, the more I see that in fact, I am not the woman for him. He was afraid to take me to a social event, and that only confirms the fact that he is ashamed of me. For a moment, I was distracted from my thoughts by looking at one of the paintings I was carrying in my hands and smiled. It was the painting I had unconsciously painted of the man with orange hair. I wanted to feel as beautiful and confident as I did that day we talked. I end up smiling, but hurry to look at the clock and see that I was already late.

I had already missed the first class, and if I didn’t hurry, I would be late for the second. I see a crowd of people around a group of security guards who seemed to be protecting someone important. I try to approach, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t see who it is. I decide to let it go, but when I turn around, I can see the top of the person’s head surrounded by security guards, and my heart races when I see the orange tone of those hair. It was only for a second; I looked away, and when I looked again, the person was covering their hair with a cap. I stood there wondering if it could be that man and even thought about following the crowd that followed him, but then I shook my head, dismissing the idea, telling myself that it would be too much of a coincidence. I run to class, and I see the disapproving look of the teacher and even my classmates; Koreans are very punctual, and I knew I was wrong, so I just bow, apologizing, and go to the empty seat next to Eunji.

“What happened, Jane? You’re never late!”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I think it was something I ate.”

He lowered his head and seemed sad.

“Yeah, I imagine. In Thailand, right?”

I nodded, and he opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it and shrugged, changing the subject.

“It seems like the organizer of the contest was at the college today.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, they say he’s a very famous singer, but nobody could see who he was; he was surrounded by security guards and was wearing a mask.”

“Yeah, I saw the security guards from afar, and for a minute, I thought…”

I realize what I was saying and quickly stop talking while the older man stared at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence.

“Nevermind… Let’s focus on the class!”

The class was intense, and I mentally thanked for not feeling nauseous anymore. At the end of the class, I handed in the paintings for my portfolio and received several emotional compliments from the teacher.

“Look, I don’t want to give you false hopes, but I think you’ll go far in this contest.”

I smiled and felt satisfied with the result of my work.

“Just being able to exhibit my paintings is an achievement for me.”

“Dream big, Jane! The higher you dream, the higher you’ll go! Let go of modesty; your work is incredible and deserves recognition.”

I thanked her and left feeling satisfied. I finally pick up my phone and see that there were several messages from Jason that I decide not to open. Eunji was telling me about his painting while we walked to the main gate, but just before we crossed it, I felt a strong dizziness that made me stumble a bit. Luckily Eunji was by my side and held me in his arms, preventing me from falling. Before I could recover, I feel someone pushing Eunji while pulling me by the arm.

“What are you doing clinging to this boy?”

I looked at him, scared, feeling my legs shaky, so I held onto him trying to regain my balance, but before I could do so, my legs weakened, and I almost fell. Before I fell, Jason held me, and his expression changed from anger to concern.

“Jane, are you okay?”

He waved my face, seeming not to know what to do. I felt the world spinning, and I just closed my eyes in an attempt to make that feeling diminish.

“What are you feeling? I’ll take you to the doctor.”

“No, Jason, I just need to sit for a bit.”

He guided me to the car, and when I looked around, I no longer saw Eunji there; I was upset by the way Jason had treated him and wanted to apologize, but he simply disappeared. Jason opened the car door for me, putting me in the passenger seat while he seemed to think about what to do. I started to feel a little better, and I realized that my blood pressure must have dropped, causing this discomfort. Eunji appeared behind Jason bringing a bottle of water and seemed not to care about what had happened seconds before.

“Here, give her this water.” Eunji offered the bottle to Jason, who reluctantly thanked him, then he handed me the bottle, and I drank the water, which made me feel much better.

“Thanks, Eunji!”

Jason lowered his head, seeming to think for a moment, and then looked at Eunji offering his hand for a handshake.

“Yeah, thanks, Eunji, and sorry for pushing you earlier, I saw you two together and thought nonsense.”

“I know what you thought, but you shouldn’t! It’s no secret to me that Jane has been in love with you since the first day you arrived here, and even though I tried something with her in the past, nowadays we’re just good friends. You should get to know the woman you have better because she would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” Eunji’s words were firm and direct; he didn’t even seem like the same cute boy who smiled more with his eyes than with his mouth. Jason, on the other hand, lowered his head, looking embarrassed as he agreed with the younger man’s speech.

“I know that, anyway, thank you, and I’m sorry!”

They shook hands, and Jason got in the car to drive away. The ride home was silent even though he rested one hand on my thigh, caressing it gently while driving.

“Do you want to go out for dinner?”

I look at him, seeing that his cold tone of voice had finally left him.

“No, I think it’s better to go home; I’m still not feeling very well.”

He placed his hand on my neck, gently caressing the area, and I closed my eyes to enjoy the affection.

“Don’t you think it’s better to go to the doctor?”

“No! It’s okay, it was just a drop in blood pressure.”

“And if it’s something else?”Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.

His worried look on me made me melt, and even though I was still upset with him, I ended up speaking in a childish tone.

“Love, I’ll be fine! You don’t need to worry; I just need to rest for a bit.”

He looked at my face, analyzing me, and I felt that he melted with my words.

“Okay then, but if this persists, I’m taking you to Doctor Kim.”

I nodded, and we soon arrived home. When we entered, I noticed that the kitchen was bustling and smelled very good, so I went there followed by Jason.

“Oh my God, what a delicious smell is this here?” I ask, and my aunt, who was slowly stirring a pot, soon smiled and blushed slightly, reminding me of how my grandma used to blush whenever I praised her cooking.

“It’s cornmeal with beef and collard greens.”

My mouth watered at the smell of that food, and it seemed like I was back in the interior of Minas Gerais eating my grandma’s food again.

“Delicious.”

“You need a strong meal to see if you get better soon.”

“Is there some for me too?” Jason was now hugging me from behind while I was totally focused on the food in front of me.

“Of course, Mr. Park! I’ll serve you right away!”

Before he could answer, I was already serving myself and sitting at the kitchen table to eat.

“What’s this, girl? Have manners.”

Jason smiled and just shrugged as he took off his coat.

“It’s okay, and now that Jane and I are together, I think we can stop this Mr. Park thing, right?”

The older woman stared at the man in front of her who showed his best smile, but I could see the suspicion behind her gaze.

“I don’t know…”

“Please, it doesn’t make sense for you to continue calling me that.”

“But you’re still my boss!”

“So, I wanted to talk about that.” He said, and she seemed nervous as he picked up a plate and followed my example, serving himself alone.

“I was thinking of finding someone to take your place.”

“Are you going to fire me?” My aunt asked, scared.

He laughed at her scared tone and then completed.

“What? Of course not! Why are you Brazilians so suspicious, huh?”

He looked at the two of us, and I ended up laughing while devouring the food on my plate.

“I just thought that now that we’re practically family, it doesn’t make sense for you to continue as the housekeeper. I thought about getting someone to replace you so that you can rest, retire; I even wanted you to choose one of the rooms in the house so that you could leave that small room.”

Jason said everything in a friendly way, but the more he spoke, the more my aunt’s face changed.

“Look, Mr. Park, I’m having a hard time accepting this relationship of yours; it just doesn’t make sense to me at all, and although Jane seems to have forgotten her place in this house, I haven’t forgotten. I’ve been working for your family since you were a boy, and I intend to continue working as long as God gives me health. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, and I certainly don’t want to stop doing my job.”

“But, Mrs. Amelia…”

“Well, I think I’ve been clear enough. I prefer to keep working, and I’m very satisfied with my room.”

He looked at me as if asking for my help, and I just lowered my head. I knew that look of hers. It was the typical decisive look of the Oliveira family; nothing would make her change her mind, so I just continued eating and in an attempt to lighten the mood in the environment, I just said.

“Guys, this is delicious, I think you should eat before it gets cold.”

My aunt just agreed, and after much insistence, we all sat at the kitchen table while devouring that wonder. Jason seemed a bit upset with my aunt’s reaction, but I didn’t want to fight anymore, so I was just avoiding the subject. When we entered the room, I went straight to take a shower, and I didn’t imagine how much a shower could do me good, I left the bathroom feeling renewed, and soon Jason, who was lying on the bed, browsing his cell phone, pulled me to lie on his chest while inhaling my scent.

“Feeling better?”

He gently caressed my back, making my whole body relax. I agreed, wanting to enjoy that moment of peace, but I noticed that he seemed intrigued by something.

“Jane, didn’t you find your aunt’s reaction strange? Geez, I was just trying to give her a little comfort.”

He pulled me closer, making me look at him, and I just shrugged because I didn’t want to argue.

“Geez, don’t you think she’s being irrational?”

“No, love, that’s just the way she is. That’s her style.”

He kept up the pace of his caresses, running his fingers up and down my back, making my whole body relax in a way that felt like I was floating.

“So you think she’s right?”

“Love, put yourself in her shoes, she doesn’t want to trade the certainty for the doubtful.”

He moved beneath me and looked at me as if I had said a curse word.

“What do you mean doubtful, Jane?”

“If she accepted this, what would happen if one day we broke up?”

He got up immediately from the bed, assuming a totally different posture from before. He seemed shocked and nervous at the same time.

“So you think about that? Do you think about breaking up with me?”