Four or Dead by G O A

Four or Dead

It's been three days since my outburst at the Blood Lodge. I wanted to humiliate Alekos, to hurt him as he had hurt me, but now, I feel sad about saying those awful things to him because deep down, I do want..

a family and happiness. And once he learned I was not spying on him, he treated me well-he and Reyes. They might have fucked me and used me as a human sex toy, but they also took care of me, and snuggled with me, and fed and kept me company. And now I am stuck with Stefan who has barely said anything to me since we returned to the apartment. I am lonely and miserable because Alekos and Reyes have not shown up since Friday night. Not even a phone call to ask how I am

The truth is, 1 am more than miserable. I am in agony. The pain in my chest is so bad I don't have the energy to get up from the couch

Despite spending a lot of time on the couch napping or watching TV shows-alone because Stefan can barely stand looking at me I feel so tired

Maybe if I talk to Alekos and Reyes and tell them that I am sorry for saying that I hate them and that it was a lie, they will return to me

I don't have a phone or Alekos' number, but Stefan does. Maybe he will let me use it?

Somehow, I muster the energy to get up from the couch to look for Stefan and immediately get dizzy. I've mostly survived on cheap wine and ice cream in the past three days. My head is pounding like hell,

probably because I got so drunk last night that I even tried to kiss Stefan, but he pushed me away and yelled at me never to touch him again

Blinking away tears, I go look for Stefan. He is neither in the kitchen nor his room, so I go out on the terrasse. It is so hot outside, and the summer sun shines so bright it blinds me for a moment. I wait until my eyes adjust before I continue looking for Stefan when I hear his voice coming from the direction of the sunroom

"Took you long enough to realize she is not the one for us," Stefan says to someone

Is he talking about me? My eyes finally adjust enough to see him leaning against one of the crystal walls of the sunroom. He is talking on the phone, and our gazes meet as he says, "I will get rid of her in a bit and have the cleaning lady remove any trace of her from the apartment

See you at home tonight. Tell Reyes he can choose the next bitch to open her legs for us. Tonight, if possible," before ending the phone call

They don't want me anymore. Not only that, but they are already looking for someone to replace me. My heart starts to pound hard against my rib cage, my chest hurting so bad, I feel I will have a heart attack. Blood rushes to my ears, and I feel so dizzy and nauseous that I rush to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach

When I am done, I wash my face with cold water and look at myself in the mirror. No wonder Alekos does not want me anymore. I look like I have aged at least ten years, all pale and big dark circles under my eyes

And I lost weight, my cheeks are gaunt. If I was plain before, now I look hideous. Not even a professional makeup artist can help me

Dios! I hate myself so much

If not for Wasp and the others, I might have gone to a national park, never to be seen again, and become one of the 411 missing cases

When I feel I can face Stefan, I get out of the bathroom. Unsurprisingly, he is waiting for me next to the door

"Alekos doesn't want to see you again, and Reyes wants you out of his apartment right now." His tone is so cold I am freezing, but I resist the urge to wrap my arms around myself

While this is what I wanted, I can't help but feel like falling into a bottomless pit of desperation and grief. My ears ring, and my lungs suddenly stop working, but my voice is unexpectedly steady as I say, "Could you help me get out of the city?" He shakes his head. "I am not your nanny. You are a grown-up ass woman. I am sure you can figure things out." Snapping his fingers, he adds, "You have five minutes to leave before I throw you out."

I had hoped he would help me, but he is kicking me out like Iam a rabid dog. "Could I at least have some money? Just enough to make it to the Northeast train station?"

He studies me for a few seconds before taking out his wallet from his pocket. He opens it and throws a five-dollar bill at my feet. "This should be enough for the bus." He closes his wallet, then opens it again and takes out a one-hundred bill, and after throwing it next to the other one, he says, "Make sure to take some blowjob classes. You need them."

That's all I was to them? A cheap whore? This hurts so much, I feel like I am dying

My vision turns blurry, and before I have a mental breakdown in front of Stefan, I run out of the apartment, tears streaming down my face. I call the elevator, and when it stops and the doors open, the two women and the man inside it laugh upon seeing me, I go for the stairs. Instead of going down, I go up and up and up until I reach the rooftop and collapse to my knees, the hot gravel burning my skin, but I barely feel any pain as I cry my heart out

Why did I have to open my mouth and say such horrible things to Alekos? Why didn't I tell him the truth instead? Just be honest with him.... Now I am all alone, without money, shoes, and wearing one of Reyes's shirts. And alone. So alone. Always alone

If only I had told Alekos that I do want a baby with him and a family with him, Reyes, and Stefan. I just want to be happy. Am I so horrible for wanting happiness when others like me are suffering? The other day, when I told Reyes I missed him, I wasn't lying. If I had known that was the last time I would see him...

I bury my face between my palms, thinking about what to do. Of my

duty as a Daughter of God. After cleaning my face with the sleeve of the shirt, I force myself to stand

"T am a Daughter of God, and I shall not falter," I say under my breath as I climb down the stairs

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I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other until I get out of the building and turn to look at it for the last time. My heart bleeds, my soul screams in agony. I don't want to go. But I have to

"Tam a Dagger of God, and I am not afraid," I encourage myself as I walk on the busy streets of Veross City when the pain of being away from my men is more than I can endure. A few times, I even collapse to the ground, but I get up and carry

People look at me, probably wondering what to make of me. Or maybe they recognize me, and it won't be long until Carlos finds me. But then I remember my reflection in the mirror. Not even my father would know it is me if I were to meet with him right now

I ignore everyone as I keep forcing myself to walk. Feeling someone's gaze on me, I glance around the crowd, hoping to see my guys, but all the faces are unfamiliar to me. They are not looking for me. My shoulders drop, and I feel dizzy again, and my stomach is still upset

It must be the heat and the fact that I barely drank any water today

"T am the Wrath of God, and sweet shall be his vengeance," I whisper as I cross an intersectionFrom NôvelDrama.Org.

For an entire year, I studied the map of the city, learning the names of all the streets. There had been times when I thought it was a waste of time, but I am glad I didn't give up

The sun burns hotter, my throat is dry, and I am nowhere near the train station. It will take me a few more hours until I get there. Maybe I should have taken Sfetan's money. Then, I would not be so miserable now. At least Wasp left me money and a phone in our safety box. Once I get to the train station, I will be fine

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