Hatred With Benefits

S I X T Y - E I G H T

EVA.

The air between us has altered and my fists are folded as a measure to not slip over the edge with my

nose flaring in irritation as I stare at Emerson, who stands two steps away from me with frustration

clear in his eyes– no doubt that it comes nowhere as close to mine.

"I can't believe you, Eva. What is it that you want to hear from me?" He speaks and I say, "What is it

that you're hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything—" He starts, but I cut in, my voice loud as I part my lips. "Stop fucking lying!

You don't get to do that, Emerson. You don't get to lie right to my fucking face! You're keeping

something from me. It's visible and I want to know it!"

"So you think I'm hiding something from you because I don't want you using my phone behind my back

or because I didn't take a call in your presence? Can you hear yourself, Eva? You're calling me a liar

because I want my privacy?" Disbelief laced through his voice as he scoffs.

"No. Don't. Don't do that. Don't turn this on me. This isn't about your privacy. You never fucking cared

about privacy so why now?" I lift a brow at him and he says, "Why does it matter?"

"Because it fucking bothers me! Don't you fucking get it? Your actions are making me think things I

shouldn't! And it isn't just about being in your privacy because you know damn well a slight touch to a

phone isn't intruding damn privacy!" I tell him, marching closer to his front.

"I'm not hiding anything from you, Carson. " He repeats the same words from earlier with a tone of

finality, his words leaving no room for further controversy and I nod as I slowly back away from him

before I twist my body in the other direction and walk out of the kitchen.

Walking inside my room, I slip my legs into the nearest pants I can find, and throw a sweater over my

head, grabbing my phone from the bed before I walk out of the room with my flats covering my feet.

When I walk back into the living room, Emerson is standing at the kitchen opening and when his eyes

fall on me; alarm covers his face before he starts to saunter in my direction while I turn towards the

door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Emerson grabs my wrist, halting my steps and I turn back to meet

his eyes. "Out. I need to be away from here. "

"Eva, please. Not this again. " He groans. "We're not doing this again, Eva. You can't make us do this

again. "

"I'll be back, Emerson. I just need a take of fresh air. This is too much. " I proclaim, knowing I truly

cannot bring myself to stay away from him, but also knowing if I stay in this moment with how things

are between us; it'll lead to a lot more complications than just mere arguments.

Slowly, he drops his hold on me and opens his mouth, "Okay. But please don't leave me worried and

come back to me soonest? Please, baby. "

"I will. " I give him a nod and his chest falls in a sigh before he nods in return. I turn away from him and

walk out of the house, heading in the only direction I know how to.

~

It doesn't take long before I'm in front of Aliya's door, and only when I stare at the frame, do I

contemplate whether it was a good decision to come here after a heated argument with Emerson.

When I'm like this, she's the first person I think of, but I'm afraid the more I keep coming to her; the

more tiring it'll grow even if she doesn't voice it out. She does have her issues to deal with after all.

My shoulders drop as I take a step back, tearing my gaze from the doorframe; only for my eyes to land

on Aliya.

"Eva?" She's standing in front of me in a short dress and boots– her typical club attire.

"Were your leaving?" She asks as she strolls to the door and I say, "Yes, I— did you go to the club?"

Aliya takes her key from the bag as she speaks. "Yes, I went for a drink. I needed to clear my head. "

"Aliya, " I mutter as I step to her side. "You could have told me. "

"No, " she chuckles as she gazes at me over her shoulder. "I don't want to shorten your time with

Emerson, and it was just a few drinks. It didn't take long. "

She opens the door and strides inside, and I trail after her, closing it behind us. "It doesn't matter, Aliya.

You should have called me, because I would have. We always have each other's back no matter what,

remember?"

"I know, babe. I just didn't want to disturb you. " She says and then she kicks her boots off, throwing the

bag to a corner.

"I don't care. You'll call or text me next time if you ever have any worries, yeah?" I order sternly and she

smiles, "Yes, mummy. "

"Call me that once again and it won't be funny. " I throw her a playful glare before dropping my eyes to

her dress. "Did you manage to sort out your thoughts?"

"Yeah. I'm good for now. " She says and I narrow my eyes at her, "Are you sure?"

"I am. What about you? If you're here at this time then it means something happened?" She questions,

bringing us back to the primary reason behind my appearance.

"He didn't say it. He's hiding something and I know it. " I tell Aliya as we walk to her bed and she says,

"Are you sure it's something to get this angry over?"

"He's keeping secrets and you fucking think I shouldn't be angry over it?" I furrow my brows and Aliya

is quick to shake her head, "That's not what I mean. Maybe he isn't just ready to tell you? I'm sure there

are some things it took a while before you could tell him about?"

"I never hesitate with it comes to Emerson. Not since we got this intimate. " He's come to be my

comfort. The one to relieve me of my worries and my pain, and I thought I was that person to him too,

so why isn't he letting me in this time?

"You can't forget that we all have ways of doing things, Evie. " Aliya's words pull me out of my thoughts

and I look back at her.

"That doesn't excuse his actions. You don't understand; it's frustrating. Having to be on edge every time

and wondering what exactly it could be. Is it something good or something bad? Mostly thinking it's bad

because he wouldn't be like this if it's good, right? Those thoughts are driving me insane and his

behaviour doesn't help either. " I hiss and Aliya sighs, "So you left home? And you are not going back?"

"No, I will. "

"Uh?" She arches a brow and I proceed to say, "I'll go back tonight. I just honestly need some time

away from him. The anger was overheated. "

"Come here, " she opens her right arm, gesturing for me to move closer and I adjust into her embrace,

laying my head against her chest while she rubs my arm. "I hope you have it sorted out. Whatever it is.

Just give it time. "

"We should. " I mumble. "I honestly hope so. "

~

"You're home. " Emerson is on my bed when I walk inside my room with his back to the headboard.

"I am. " I respond as I shut the door behind me and pace towards my closet.

"You can use my shirt. " Emerson voices out behind me when I stand in front of the dresser and I turn

around, my eyes going to the shirt by his side. When I meet his eyes, he adds, "I took it out specifically

for you. "

"Okay. " I agree, moving from the closet to grab his shirt. I stand by the bedside as I get rid of my

clothes and throw his over my head, the familiar safeness inundating me as I pull at the hem of it. Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

"Come here. " Emerson pats the space next to him and I walk to the bed. I carefully climb on and

Emerson's hand goes around my waist the second I'm settled, clasping my back against him.

"Are we good?" He asks, the warmth of his voice pressing to my ear and I let out a chuckle, "Do you

think we are?"

"You have to trust me, Eva. I know you think I'm hiding something important from you, and maybe I am

but you honestly have to trust me to have good reasons for doing that. I need you to. I said it once and

I'll say it again– I'll never intentionally put myself in a position to hurt or lose you. " Pain never comes

intentionally, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. The worst type of pain is the unpredictable one. The

one that hit you out of the blue; one you never saw coming.

"Let's go to sleep, please. I'm tired. " I whisper and he hums, pressing his lips to the edge of my ear.

"Everything will be fine, soon. I promise. " Then he pulls back, snuggling me against his chest.

I don't give him a response as I shut my eyes and let the sleep snatch away my worries.

~

"Hey. " I look away from the screen and angle my head to the door to see Emerson shutting it.

"Hey. " I answer when he turns back to me and he strides towards me as he speaks, "You didn't wait

earlier. "

"I thought you were busy with your friends. "

"Still, " he whines as he drops to his knees before me and grabs my hands. "You could have notified

me. "

"It didn't cross my mind. " I dismissively raise my shoulder and a pained expression crosses his face.

"That hurts, Carson. I thought I was the first on your mind? What happened to it?"

"Same question I ask myself. " I mumble under my breath, looking away from him, but Emerson seems

to catch the words because he says, "I don't like this, Eva. I honestly don't. "

"Don't like what?" I furrow my brows when I drop my gaze meets his.

"The cold shoulder and the silent treatment. It's fucking killing me and I don't fancy it a bit. I thought we

talked about this last night?" He complains.

"And I heard you. I left campus with Aliya because you were with your friends and I didn't think it was

alright to walk in there. It's not giving a cold shoulder. "

"So you're not mad about our previous argument?" He queries and I hum, agreeing to his words. "I'm

not. "

"Kiss me then. " He demands and I start to say, "I don't think—"

"Kiss me, Eva. I want your lips on mine. " He insists and knowing Emerson won't drop it until I do

exactly that, I lean forward and press my lips to his, letting it stay for ten seconds before I pull back.

"My good girl. " He smiles as he removes one of his hands from mine to caress my cheek. Then he

asks, "Can you come out with me? I want to get a book from the bookstore. "

When I take a while to respond, Emerson says, "Please, baby. I don't want to go alone. "

"Fine. " I grumble and he pulls me out of the couch, turning the TV off before he guides me to the exit

and out of the house.

I climb inside his car and he enters through the other door, starting the engine and driving out of his

spot. A slow song that seems to match the uncommunicative mood between us plays on the radio and I

let out a sigh as I press my head against the window. When I feel Emerson's touch on my thigh, I turn

my head to him and he throws me a small smile before he looks to the path before him.

~

"I didn't know there's a bookstore here. " I let out when Emerson stops the car and I unfasten my

seatbelt as I stare at the building beside us.

"It's new and I thought they should have some good stuff. " Emerson answers next to me and we both

climb out of the car.

"Shoot, I forgot my phone. Go ahead and I'll catch up to you. " He says when we're almost at the

entrance before he turns back to walk to the car while I continue my steps, and walk inside the

bookstore.

"Hello. " I greet, my voice echoing back to me as my eyes move across the room. I take a step forward,

and I'm about to turn back, but still on the spot when my gaze catches sight of heart-shaped balloons

tied to the shelves.

"What's that?" I question myself as I pace further inside to see there are several heart-shaped balloons

tied to each shelf.

"Emerson, what's happening—" I turn around and the rest of my words fall in a gasp at the sight of

Emerson standing by the door with a single flower in hand. Is that... A red rose?

"What are you... Emerson, what's this?" I stutter through my words and he smiles at me. "A surprise. I

wasn't sure how to do it. But after days of thinking it through and on how I want to give you this; I

decided there's no better way than at a place that's one of our favourites. One we both love because it

was once our safe place before we became each other. "

"Emerson... A surprise?" To say I'm shocked will be an understatement and with Emerson standing in

front of me now, in this kind of place; I start to connect the dots. Surprise. He was planning a surprise. I

lift my gaze to him, "Does this mean the calls and..."

"The bookstore belongs to Jaxon's niece who recently opened so he helped with it. Most of the time,

we conversed over the phone because I couldn't find it in me to leave you every time and I didn't want

you to see the messages, or this would be ruined. I was speaking to him last night; He asked if you

figured it out yet and I needed to come here to add the final touches. " He explains and my jaw drops.

"My God. I can't— I can't. " I choke on my words and Emerson speaks again. "I thought I'd be nice.

You're my first relationship. My first love and my first woman, Carson. You're special to me and I

wanted to give you something special in return. I wasn't sure whether you would like it, but since we

became each other's without the official request, I thought something like this would make up for that. "

This man. God, this man. How the hell did I get so lucky with him? What good exactly have I done to

deserve him?

Emerson begins to walk and stops in front of me. He stretches the flower to me with a bright smile on

his face, one that matches his eyes. "Here. "

"Emerson. " I call out his name as I take it from him, because other words seem so heavy to let out.

There are words... Thousands of words to be said, yet I can't seem to bring them out.

"You make me a better man, Carson. " He once again beats me to it and I shake my head, "No. "

"Yes, yes you did and you still do. Every moment I wake up with you in my arms, I want to be fucking

better than the present. Every single time. Because I know you deserve that much. Because I want to

do that much for you. " His words are doing nothing but fucking me up further, bringing more tears to

my eyes in a way that warms my heart.

"Please. " I don't know what I'm pleading for but Emerson doesn't stop. "What I feel for you. I don't think

it's just love anymore, Eva. It's more. It's beyond it. I feel it. I feel it everywhere. I feel you everywhere,

Carson. My heart aches for you. My body desires you. My soul needs you. My mind is all yours. I fell so

fucking hard for you Carson and I don't ever want to get up. " Beautiful words. Only this man who

stands before me in his entire glory with his gorgeous eyes on me is capable of such words that fucks

my entire being up in an amazingly good way.

"No... No, please. Stop. "

He shakes his head as he lifts his hand to my face, his thumb stroking my chin. "I can't, baby. I can't.

I'm too deep in it; I can't stop. I don't want to ever stop. I'll do anything and everything to keep this

moment forever. I want to live in this moment forever. Just me and you, baby. Emerson Ford and Eva

Carson. "

"Emerson... All these... This place. Your words— You. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. " I

end my words in a plea, thinking back to my previous manners.

"Don't say that, baby. You shouldn't be sorry. You have no reason to be. " He assures me as he edges

closer, pressing his chest into mine with my hand holding the flower staying between us.

"No, I do. I misunderstood you, I always misunderstand you and I— I was quick to jump to conclusions.

I was quick to want answers and I— oh God. " I was mad at him, but he was doing it all for me.

"You did what anyone would do in your shoes, Eva. You were only humane. You were acting as mine.

You were worried because you don't want anything to come between us and that's acceptable because

I'd have done the same. Hell, I'd have done more. " Emerson says, pressing his lips to my nose.

When he pulls back, I say, "I was angry and I almost didn't come here with you. How did you do that?

How did you put up with my anger?"

"Because I knew it'll be all worth it in the end. When the moment comes; this moment between you and

I, with your eyes staring at me full of unshed tears and mine on you, ones I hope expresses as much

love I feel within me. I knew it'd be all worth it then. "

"I'm so sorry. "

"Shh, " he shushes me as he wipes my tears. "I don't want to see these tears, Eva and stop saying

that. Those are not the words I want to hear. Not tonight. "

"I love you. I fucking love you, Emerson. I'm madly in love with you and I hope you truly know that

despite how shitty I am at expressing it. " I tell him softly and he places a kiss over my forehead, then

he says, "No, I do know it. You express it just fine; just the way I want. I wouldn't want it any other way,

Eva. "

"I love you. I love you. I love you, Em. " I chant, making sure he hears the words. Making sure he

understands the depth of those words from my mouth.

"And my heart forever belongs to you. Yours to use and control as you wish. Yours to keep and never

let go. "

My eyes are full of tears as I push forward and I wrap my hands around his waist as I close my lips

over his. And it's our hands on each other, my mouth, his mouth with his smile and my tears.