Chapter 37: To Realize
Desmond’s words he said by that time kept ringing inside my head.
Of course, Sander deserved to have a complete family. With a mother and a father that was getting along and had a communication with their feelings.
While watching Sander right now holding a book as I brought him to the library of the manor, I imagined him giggling when he got to be with his father. Perhaps, I was really a selfish mother that I did not want us to get completed.
Desmond was right.
He might have ruined our marriage. But how about his fatherly figure? Should I trust that he would be a good father to Sander?
Should I take the risk and give Desmond a chance?
“Do you like what you are reading, sweetheart?” I asked, approaching Sander as I sat beside him. I almost had a heart attack as I saw that he was reading war tactics. “You sure like reading that kind of stuff…” I smiled wryly.
His face brightened up before he nodded. “It catches my interest, Mama.” He glanced at the book he was reading. “But I do not know some terms used here, Mama…” He frowned a little.
I tried reading some of the terms there but I only smiled wryly as a response. “I cannot be helped by this, little man,” I said as I caressed his hair. “I do not have a vast vocabulary for the terms here. I am certain this library has encyclopedias that can help you with that.”
Sander nodded. But he looked unsatisfied.
I fidgeted with my hands while I was feeling my surroundings. I needed to know if someone was daring to eavesdrop on us or not. So far, I felt no one was around here in this library aside from us.
“Sweetheart,” I said, grabbing Sander’s attention.
“Hmm?” he hummed. His eyes were focused on the book he was reading.
“Will you please look at Mama when I am talking to you?” I asked softly.
He glanced up and closed the book. “Yes, Mama?” He tilted his head a little.
I started caressing his hair as I plastered a small smile. “You told me about this before,” I started. “But do you still envy our neighbors’ kids that they have a complete family? You know… with mother and father…”
Sander creased his forehead. Hesitant, he nodded. “Yes, Mama. Why?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.” I already saw that I caught him off guard. It was better if I tried to open things up little by little. I decided to stand up. “Do you wish me to make you some snacks? Mama will make one for you if you want.”
“Yes, please, Mama!” He beamed.
Chuckling, I nodded. “Alright. I will be right back. You can continue reading.”
I stormed out of the library and went straight to the kitchen. I summoned my hand to halt the cooks here who suddenly panicked when they saw me.
“It’s fine. I do not need some help. I can manage,” I said as I went to the tea cabinet to get some tea leaves such as herbal tea for Sander.
“Lady Seraphina.”
I released a sigh and glanced at Eisenberg. “Fine.” I could tell that he would be scolded by Desmond later if he finds out that no one helped me to prepare the snacks. “Just some sandwich and a few sweet snacks for my son,” I finally said.
Eisenberg used to call me Luna since he was a pack member here. However, I made it clear that I was not the Luna here anymore.
This was why they addressed me differently than the ones before.
I brought a tray with me as soon as I finished brewing the tea. While I was almost near the library, I could hear Sander’s annoying voice.
“Why are you even here, Papa?”
“I saw that you kind of need some help with the book you are reading, son.”Copyright by Nôv/elDrama.Org.
My eyes widened when I heard Desmond’s voice. I halted as I peaked at the two-way door that was slightly opened.
“I can manage, Papa. I wish to be alone. Please leave.”
“Sander…”
“I don’t want you here! I don’t want to talk with you! You made Mama cry every time I asked about you! Mama hates you! I also hate you!”
My heart flipped upside down as I bit my lower lip hearing those words from Sander again. His strong hatred against his father was palpable. It was a bit painful on my part because I showed that side where I got to scold him and cry later whenever Sander asked for Desmond.
“Son… Please do not say that. We are the best pals, right? You said it when we talked back on the river bank,” Desmond said in a soft tone.
“No! I don’t want us as best pals! Stay away from me! Stay away!” Sander started screaming at the top of his lungs.
I immediately went inside as soon as I heard something rummaging before I heard a loud thud. His earth-shattering scream was making my wolf feel agitated.
The motherly instinct was kicking on us.
I gasped when I saw Sander struggling against Desmond’s hold when Desmond was hugging our son.
“Desmond, halt it already,” I called when Sander was almost clawing his face when he was struggling against him.
Desmond glanced in my direction. I gasped when Sander managed to slash his face using the claws he showed right now.
“Ouch!” Desmond released Sander and held his face.
“Desmond!” I approached him and placed the tray on the table before I checked his face. The mark of claws was visible on his handsome face as I held his face with my hands. “Your face is bleeding…” I pointed out.
He coerced a smile. “It’s fine…” He held his face and saw his fingers smeared with blood.
“Allow me to check it,” I said as I told him to sit, which he gladly followed.
As soon as my hands came to contact his face, I noticed the sparks I felt that flowed through my body again. I already ignored this earlier when I touched his face and would do the same thing to him.
Desmond and I looked into each other’s eyes before I looked away and checked his face. My thumb glided to his cheek and under his eyes. There were streaks of blood in them.
I turned at Sander and glared at him. He looked frightened when he saw my face darken.
“Papa doesn’t want to release me, Mama…” His amber eyes were glistening with tears.
“We will talk about your behavior of hurting other people, Sander,” I said earnestly. “Especially your Papa.”
Sander looked guilty as he lowered his head. Sighing, I turned at Desmond whose face was already healed.
“Don’t scold him, Seraphina. It is my fault. I made Sander uncomfortable when I hugged him,” he said softly.
I looked at him, surprised. Not to his words but to his tone. It was soft yet firm. I could have wished he was like this when I was dealing with his tuxedo. But instead, he cornered me and ordered me until I realized that I was still attracted to him.
I stepped backward but Desmond held my hand. “Desmond.” There was a warning in my tone. I even gestured in my head that Sander was watching and I knew our son was very protective of me.
Desmond glanced at Sander who was already growling. He sighed and released my hand. I slowly inhaled because his touch affected me. I turned at Sander.
“Sander,” I said in an earnest tone.
Sander flinched and lowered his head when he saw the earnestness in my expression.
“Let’s go,” I said and offered my hand to him.
He glanced at Desmond who smiled at him. Sander immediately ran towards me and hugged my thigh, hiding from him.
We were about to storm out when I glanced at the tray of snacks I prepared for Sander. “Do you wish to eat them here?” I asked. He shook his head. “Alright.” I took the tray and glanced at Desmond who I caught staring at me.
My wolf was feeling ticklish because of that before I averted my gaze away from him. This was not good. And also to my heart as well.
“We shall take our leave.” I nodded my head before I looked at Sander and gestured my head. “Let’s go, Sander.”
“M-My book, Mama.”
“Here,” Desmond said and bestowed the book Sander was reading earlier.
Sander approached him. He looked hesitant when he took the book from him. But Desmond smiled when our son didn’t act more harshly than before.
“If you have any questions about what you are reading, you can come by seeing me in my study room, Sander,” Desmond said.
Sander tightened the book he was hugging before he shook his head and started running away. I decided to walk away as well as I didn’t want to stay in the same area with Desmond.
“Seraphina.”
“I have no business with you,” I said in a hostile tone.
“No. I mean it is not about that.” I felt him behind me and saw he was opening the door for me.
“Thanks,” I murmured. “Then what is it that you want this time? My body?”
His jaw dropped. “Seraphina-”
“It is new that you are not being straightforward that you want to touch me, Desmond.” I arched my eyebrow. “Where is that rough behavior of yours every time I would be near to you? Didn’t you like to show how inferior I am to you?”
“Seraphina… I…” He couldn’t say anything.
“Cat got your tongue, cinnamon?” I emphasized the endearment I used to call him.
Desmond looked like he was being apprehended right now. Gone was the smart-ass, arrogant attitude from him.
“What?” I arched my eyebrow again. “Do you want me to come to your chamber to spend a night with you because your lover is not here?”
With my sensitive ears, I happened to hear his heart pumping so wild. I secretly gnashed my teeth because it seemed like he really had a lover he hadn’t introduced to us yet.
“You just prove that you cannot really be trusted, after all, Desmond.” I stepped forward. “Claiming that you and I are still married because it happened that I did not divorce it yet you claimed before that you had a lover. So, where is she? Is her name Hazel?”
“No,” Desmond immediately spoke and shook his head. “I don’t have a lover, Seraphina. I only said that because I was so bitter that I want to prove to you that I can live without having you…” His expression looked frustrated. “I am sorry for lying…”
I scoffed. “I’m already getting used to it.” I turned my back and exited the library bringing a tray of tea and snacks for Sander.
“I will not give up on you and on our son, Seraphina.”
“Never.”
Inhaling and exhaling, I realized that my selfish behavior was showing again. I didn’t want Sander to think that this was how I was dealing with his father. I still need to tell Sander that he didn’t need to act on my behalf.
It was important for him that he had parents.
I must not let him grow so that one of us would have him grow apart.
I grew up having my father only and I did the same thing to Sander. However, Sander’s case was different since he still got to know his father while I didn’t get to know about my mother.
But I had the small information about my mother which my father told me before he was captured. I wasn’t even certain if that was true or not. I had no confirmation about it. I also wanted to meet her but I already thought that it was truly impossible.
As I arrived at the north hall, I saw Sander on the balcony. He was sitting on the daybed.
“I thought you might like this, sweetheart,” I said and put the tray on the coffee table.
“Mama.”
“Hmm?”
“Aren’t you going to scold me?”
I glanced up at him and saw his worried expression. “I want to but I know you learned your lesson based on how you are reacting,” I said and sat beside him.
Sander hugged me and buried his face in my chest when I gathered him in my arms.
“Have you ever wished that you would get along with your father, Sander?” I asked after a moment of silence.
He vigorously shook his head. “I don’t want to.”
“With pure honesty, Sander. Please?” I asked softly and caressed his back.
He buried his face, not wanting to look at me. I could tell that he was lying. “Papa hurt you… I don’t want him…”
“Sander…” I kissed his head. “You have been wanting to know your father. I know you want to get along with him, hmm?”
“But Papa hurt you… What if he hurts me, too? And tell me he doesn’t want me as his son.” His voice croaked.
I coerced him to look at him as I cupped his face. “How many times your father approached you, Sander? Did you see in his actions that he doesn’t want you as his son?” I asked softly.
I wanted him to realize that he must get along with his father and must not mind being so protective of me.
I could handle myself being with Desmond.
But Sander was a different story. He deserved to get along with his father.
My son shook his head. “H-He told me that he wants to spend his time with me…” he said in a subtle tone.
I smiled gently. “So, where is the part where he said that your Papa doesn’t want you as his son? Hmm?” Sander looked guilty. “I understand that you want to get angry in my stead, Sander. But, can you allow Mama to do that?”
His eyes widened. “What do you mean, Mama? D-Do you want me to get along with Papa and forgive him?”
As expected. He concluded it already.
I nodded my head. “Yes, sweetheart.”
“But-”
“You know that I grew up when my father died, right?” Sander nodded. “And I did not get to know who my mother is?” He nodded again. Caressing his hair, I kissed his forehead to smell his baby scent. “I don’t want you to grow up experiencing that, Sander. I don’t want you to suffer anymore.”
“But how about you, Mama?”
“I can handle myself.” I smiled again. “I can have a truce with your father. All that matters right now is for you to experience having a complete family that your father and I did not get to have.”
Ah, yes. Desmond also had a bad childhood. His parents were killed by the rogues when they attacked the Rising Diamond pack which was why he forced himself to take the Alpha position by the age of 16.
“It is difficult, Sander,” I said, softening my voice to convince him. “I realized that it was so wrong of me that you would hate your father up to this point. It is not healthy that you are having this emotion. You will grow with hatred in your heart. Please learn to forgive him and open your heart to him.”
Sander stared at me before his lips quivered. I chuckled when his eyes were glistening with tears. I gently wiped them and kissed his forehead.
“Think about what I said, sweetheart. Take your time. There is no need to rush,” I uttered.
He sniffed and nodded.
“Good boy, Sander.” I caressed his cheek with my knuckles.