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Thea

I couldn’t sleep the entire night, my heart kept beating in worry for Angel. I was restless, pacing about amidst my silent prayers for his protection. Maybe I shouldn’t have been mean earlier today. Maybe I should have asked him to stay. Would he have listened to me?

My feelings about the Casino was unsettling, I could feel it like that night of the attack that something would go wrong but then I didn’t have the courage to let go of my grudge towards him. I wasn’t ready to forgive just yet, I needed more time … Wait, I needed more time? Was I seriously considering it? Forgiving him?

This was so unfair to me, just when I needed to make him suffer for everything he’s done, he had to be in danger one day or the other. He wasn’t letting me have a win was he?

I spent the entire day in my room, loosing appetite even when they brought my food to me. I isolated from the girls and told them everything was fine. The entire day was about me having to choose between asking Angel to stay or just sitting it out but what if I lost him? What if that was the last time I saw him?

Thinking about that hurt me so much, more than I could endure. I couldn’t help it so I cried, I cried a lot.

I Slept, woke up and continued. It was as if I was getting ready to lose him and when night came, the feelings became more real.

I stood up from bed and hurried to my window when I heard the sound of vehicles warming up. It was time already. I gasped in fear, I should at least see him… No, I should ask him not to go maybe he’d listen.

I didn’t bother taking a sweater despite how cold the night was, I hurried, dropping things clumsily in my room as I reached for the door. The moment I twisted the knob and opened the door my legs stopped and my lips stood agape as I almost bumped into a familiar figure, hand hanging in the air from the knock he failed to land.

My breath became shaky and his familiar scent enveloped me, sending chills to the pores of my skin. My heart raced faster and my fear grew within seconds of seeing him.

“Angel….” I muttered and sighed. He had the same look of shock in his face just like I did. He had come to see me as well.

It dawned on me just how important this man was to me, I couldn’t even breath by his mere presence. I was lost for words, dying within me to be wrapped in his arms right now. I wanted to cry in it and tell him just how much he meant to me and how I wanted to let go of the hate I felt at the same time. Right now I just loved him with everything in me….

“Where were you going?” Angel finally spoke breaking the silence. “Thea?” He called taking a step into my room while my hand went wobbly over the door I was gripping. I gulped nervously and bit down on my lips.

“Nowhere.” I was barely audible and he took another step startling me. I moved on impulse scared of being too close to him.

“… But you appeared to be in a hurry.” He said taking more steps while I shuffled away from him. He shut the door behind him and I got tense with just the two of us within these walls. He kept coming close and I moved to farther hugging myself as chills filled my body. Angel followed me and I couldn’t think straight or decide where exactly to go so I stopped just close to my wall. I turned around to face him and he was indeed behind me staring down on me so intensely that I felt him suck the feelings that I held down to the surface.

I was in my moment of weakness and he could see it.

“Why were you in a hurry Thea?” He asked again.

“It’s non of your business.” I answered trying to come off as hard. Angel hissed and clenched his jaw, a glint of anger surfacing.

“I hate it when you say that.”

“Then get used to it.”

“Thea….” He called, his eyes softening like he was already tired of me talking this way to him. He looked like he was in a hopeless situation. I didn’t know why I was bring cold, maybe a part of me just didn’t want to succumb to my feelings.

“Why are you here?” I asked daring to look into his eyes that captured my heart in love. They were enchantingly beautiful even though they were full of sadness. A sting of guilt hit me but I tried to surpress it.

He sighed and then spoke. “I came to see you.”

“For what?”

He sighed again in frustration before parting his lips to speak. “I just wanted to see you before leaving for the games tonight.” He said and my heart made a leap. It was the fear again. The fear of things going wrong. I blinked severally, feeling my heart increase it’s pace.

The corners of my eyes stung with tears, I just couldn’t play hard enough. I swallowed hard again feeling my chest and throat constrict in pain.

“Why do you make it sound like a goodbye?”

“It isn’t.” He answered softly as if to assure me. He had moved two steps closer that I could feel the warmth emanating from his body. My body reacted to it in a way he shouldn’t be aware of.

“Then don’t say things like that.” I said and moved away to create a distance between us but he wasn’t backing out either. He pursued me, coming in front of me.

“Does it bother you?” He asked, questions clading the look in his eyes. “Wouldn’t you be better off if Sparrow got rid of me?” I sighed in disbelieve. Was that what he really thought of me?

“I never said that.”

“… But you did want me to die, back at the clinic, you cried and said ‘why don’t you just die?’ remember?” He repeated my words and I could only stare at him speechless. I said that out of anger and pain for losing my child but did he not realize just how much I loved him? How did he ever think I could get rid of my feelings for him that easily.

“What are you doing Angel? Why are you saying all this….”

“I just… I’m just saying…” He stuttered as his hands tried to reach out me but stopped along the line. I felt goosebumps knowing that he almost touched me. What was this feeling? I yearned for it yet I was scared of how much I’d react to his touch. Angel looked at me and I could see tears appear by the corner of his eyes, his lids were red and I knew he was in pain.

” I really want to touch you before leaving.” He spilled and my heart raced excitedly. Goodness…. I wanted him.

I looked at him from eye to eye, opened my lips to speak only to shut it again. I sigh deeply and gulp the mould that formed on my throat then pryed my lips again to speak. The words were too heavy for my mouth.

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“That way I can pay back for everything I’ve done to you.”

“You must be crazy to think that’s what I want.” I sounded pissed off and he looked surprised.

“Then what do you want? You won’t forgive me and you hate me. So what can I do to please your vengeful heart?” He asked desperately.

“I just want you to suffer!” I cried letting the feelings I tried to surpress out. He sighed and nodded making peace with what I had said. ” I want you to suffer as much as I have. I want you to feel pain like you made me feel.” I said as I thought about his naked body against Natalia’s, the thought of him sleeping with her tore me into pieces. I felt raw pain again as I thought of him kissing Lola and how it caused me our child. I felt anger again but it was mixed with my love for him. “I want you to hurt as much as I hurt when I lost what was precious.”

“What do you mean?” Angel asked looking suspicious. I composed myself refraining from spilling the truth about our baby.

I quickly wiped off the tear that fell of my eyes and sniffed the rest back.

“I just want to keep hating you.” I cried again as more tears came spilling from the pain I felt inside. Angel nodded sadly biting down on his lips like he had so much to regret. He looked at me and to my surprise a tear lined his face.

“I guess I deserve all that….” He said and I felt guilty knowing he would leave for the casino in such state. He should be in the right frame of mind if he must go. “Why do you have that look in your eyes?” I startled realizing the feeling was obvious from my expression. “You shouldn’t look at me that way if all you want is for me to hurt Thea.” He said coming closer, a glint of hope appearing in his eyes.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” I said avoiding his gaze. I turn my back to him and hug myself while letting my tears flow freely. I felt him come close till he was standing just behind me. I didn’t want him to see me this way.

“Why?”

“Just go Angel.” I yell but instead he touches my shoulder and I freeze for a moment as different sensation surge into my body. I breath heavily as his tough hands trail slowly down my arm tickling every pore in my skin. My breath become shaky as he reaches for my hand. My fingers feel sweaty the instant I feel his fingers weaving into mine. He moves closer pressing his huge body slightly against mine, I tremble as he leans slowly against my cheek. This was happening all too fast, the tension was building way too high and in that climaxing moment I snapped, pulling away from him. He looks at me in surprise but I can’t take all of it at once.