I’m Just His Wife

I felt a sharp knife pierce my chest, my heart. It was painful to hear from him that he loved another woman more than me who became his wife.

“Ivan …” I swallowed when he took one of my hands and touched it with an emotional kiss.

He parked the car on the side of the road and turned off the car engine. He turned to me and I was almost depressed because of his appearance. Her tears were rolling down her cheeks and her eyes were in intense pain. Her lips trembled as it still clung to the back of my palm.

“I’m sorry … I was a jerk. I paid more attention to the person who messed up our lives, our relationship. I’m sorry …” he said with tears in his eyes.

My two hands were shaking. It was like I was having a panic attack out of nowhere. Superficial to think about but it was not a superficial thing! This was the first time that I saw Ivan crying! He’s crying in front of me!

He hugged my hand to his neck that he had kissed earlier. He pulled me closer to him and hugged me tightly. You’re the type I can’t let go of because it’s so exhausting. Gradually the fire of pain consumed my heart. She was crying, the person I love was crying.

Yes, I accept that. That even in spite of all my pain and suffering in his power, my love for him still really prevails. This was probably what they call ‘great love’. That even when I tried to love others I couldn’t. Because my heart was only for Ivan. My heart beats only for her.

Her shoulders go up and down because of the excessive sobbing. I don’t know that someone tough and a cold-hearted man like him can cry like this. I realized that even the strongest and most resilient person would cry like this. And with each sob of hers it was as if my heart was slowly being wounded.

“I’m sorry …” he repeatedly whispered in my ear while I was silent and just tenderly caressed his back. I want to soothe his pain at least in this way.

Previously, I was thinking, why do people need to feel a radical kind of pain? I mean, does a person really need to be hurt before he can get the happiness he enjoys?

But all those questions were answered right now. That you have to be hurt first to learn. Because if you don’t learn, you will only get hurt again and again. That there”s a chance you”ll have a fear of trying something again because you’ve been carried away, because you’ve been hurt.

So maybe god created the word ‘disease’ was for man to learn in life as well. So I don’t regret that I was hurt so many times because I learned. Just really thank God and he opened my heart to the different things and lessons I learned.

“I was once reading online and I’ve read a quote …” I suddenly said out of nowhere and I felt him stop. “It says there that ‘To make something right, pain and sufferings was the key to all windows, without it, there was no way of life. Your pain was the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Pain was temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place ‘. Don’t you find it interesting and … an inspiration? ” I smiled when I remembered those words. That made me realize everything about that terrifying word called ‘pain’.

I knew he was listening to me so I continued my speech. It was just like this when I thought I had lost a child. You make me encourage her despite what has happened. I’m doing my best just to make his pain subside just even a little bit.

“It says in that saying that no matter what happens the pain you feel will go away because someone else will replace it. Maybe it’s a different feeling, the opposite of the word pain, the ‘pleasure’. If you’re hurt because of Lara it’s it will also disappear immediately because after the pain you feel there was a large percentage that you will feel more pleasure. You know the other quote, ‘There’s still a rainbow after the rain’? You can apply it to yourself. ” my advice to him. The feeling was too convenient. It feels good to counsel according to your own feelings.

If there was something in this world that I am thankful for, it was God. He inspires me so much and he has given me so much grace.

I was a little relieved with him because he moved away from me a little. I frowned at her and saw that her eyes were a little red from crying.

“It feels awkward to cry in front of you. Do I look like a gay already? Damn, it reduces appeal.” he said shaking his head and his senses were confused.

I feel like my jaw dropped because of what he said. Did he understand nothing of everything I said? And that”s really exactly what he was worried about!

I don’t know but my mouth spontaneously opened and it let out a laugh. My laughter got louder and louder until I just found myself leaning back in the chair and holding my stomach. Seriously? Ivan became a joker unconsciously!

He frowned at me and I just laughed at him. This was so epic! I’m talking about a serious matter here and all of a sudden he pulled out like that.

At last, I stopped from laughing because of his intense and sharp glares at me.

“Why open up something like that, Ivan Jed?” I said smiling.

I saw the slight criticism on his cheek and after that he averted his gaze. He remembered something there! I knew it!

“Remember that gay, Ivan?” I stopped laughing at the question. His brother had told me this before. Ivan hates it when someone call him on his full name ‘Ivan Jed’.

He immediately turned to me and his eyes widened. There was still a trace of redness on his cheek.

“What the. You knew ?!” he asked in shock.

“I knew what? That a gay who calls you Ivan Jed was your first kiss? On the lips?” I innocently asked but teasingly smiled.

He swallowed and slowly wrinkled his forehead. “Shit …” he said and released a series of crispy cheap ones.

The laughter I had been suppressing was gone. Damn! His reaction was priceless!

“How did you know that? Who told you?” he asked as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

I pressed my lips hard before answering. “Ivy.” my answer.

His lips parted and I laughed when he hit the steering wheel of the car. He thought maybe I knew nothing about what had happened to him since he was in elementary school. Pwes, he’s wrong. Her brother used to tell me about her.

“DAMN! I’ll hunt her down!” I laughed even more because I could see the anger on his face.

“Chill! She’s your sister!” I laughed saying.This is from NôvelDrama.Org.

“Being his brother sucks! That brat will surely pay for this!” he said ignoring what I said.

I just shook my head and stopped laughing. I thought this will turn out boring. That I would be bored on our trip but it wasn’t. I am literally enjoying this!

“Looks like, your pain has already subsided. That has been replaced by annoyance.” I said smiling and took my bag that was in the backseat.

I opened it and picked up my cellphone. Many missed calls and text messages we’re flashed in the screen. I was shaken and turned off my cellphone and put it back in my bag. I want to be alone first. You were not accompanied by any member of my organization. I don’t want them to interfere with me anymore.

“Do you know where was Ivy’s current location?” Ivan asked and I answered immediately.

“I think she’s in LA. I saw her there once and she was taking pictures of the beautiful scenery there. She really pursued photography.” I said and put my bag back in the backseat.

“Oh, damn that brat. She fled away just to take pictures?” he said frowning while still shaking.

‘there you were again. Let that be your brother. And at least he didn’t imitate you without fulfilling his own dream.” I took from my wrist my hair tie and tied my hair still sideways.

Ivan stared at me before sighing. “You’re right. But the only sad thing was that our parents have rejected her. I already missed that sister of mine.”

I smiled. He’s just comfortable talking now. “Don’t worry. It’ll show you too. Maybe it’s just because you fought him before he left.”

“What? I wouldn’t have insisted on that fight if it hadn’t been for her. I was stopping her from leaving but she keeps on refusing. That’s why I just let her go.” he even struggled after saying that.

“Maybe he wanted to hold back but you let him go? Ah, just. You’ll see each other again soon. The world was small.” I said.

After I said that silence prevailed around us. I witnessed how Ivan care for his sister when we were still young. His love for his younger brother was unmatched and that was one of the things I admire about him.

I looked out the window and saw that it was getting late. It may be a few hours before we reach Realondo. This was the same as I parked this car with.

“Rigella …” he called to me. It’s uncomfortable in my hearing when other people call me that but why when with Ivan everything just seems normal? Unfair!