Lonely Bride

SARAH’S POV

Mommy Bella ran to me the moment her eyes landed on me, and I hugged her tightly like a bundle of joy.

Bella is surely my peace of mind, but my foggy thoughts because of old memories aren’t giving me any peace of mind.

I somehow know what will give me that peace, though it’s fictitious. Still, it has some beautiful memories and alluring feelings I felt long ago. And whenever I see that, somehow my restless heart gets easier.

Reaching back to the beach, I noticed the kids went back to their playing, and Simi and Parminder were having their me-time a little farther away from us. And that view added more fuel to my dismay.

I averted my eyes to the other side, but someone was keeping close eyes on my move and caught me red-handed by saying, You know you can also have the same happiness for yourself, Sarah?” I looked to my right side after hearing this, and Ivan was looking at me with some unfamiliar emotion in his eyes, which did not go unnoticed by what he meant.

“Rose, my name is Rose Ivan,” I say, looking ahead.

Neither do I want to hear this name ever again in my life, nor do I want to live such moments.

‘Lair’ My subconscious mocked me instantly, and I got embarrassed at myself and looked down.

‘Who doesn’t want to stay happy in their life? Everyone may be happy; then why can’t I? Why can’t I think I should be happy? Why can’t I think I should have someone by my side to love me, protect me, and care for me?’ I scoff back at my subconscious, and that made him shut his mouth, I guess.

“You are getting too hard on yourself, Rose. The past is past, and it’s gone already. Live for your future; don’t be stuck in one place.” I heard Ivan’s voice again and looked at his side, and he was looking ahead while giving me worthless advice while sipping juice.

For the first time, I felt annoyed by him.

‘Truth is bitter, darling.” Again, my subconscious mocked me, and I closed my eyes while gritting my teeth.

Ignoring his advice, I stayed mum, as this is the best, I guess. Rather, I lash out at Ivan for no reason.

I was tapping my feet on the sand nonstop and was just waiting to head home, but no one seemed in the mood to go back.

I guess Ivan understood my turmoil and asked me the thing I wanted to hear: “Do you want to go back home?” I instantly looked at his side, and I am sure my eyes might be shining with glee, but thankfully he could not see because of the shades I was wearing, so I nodded to him.

Ok, just inform Natalia by then, and I’ll take the car out. They will follow us in another car. The kids will be done soon, as they are looking a little tired too, so they won’t be staying much longer here. Let’s get ready.” He said this while getting up, and I did the same and padded towards Natalia.

Amm, Natalia, I’m not feeling well, so I and Ivan are heading back home. Can you please bring Bella safely home?” I asked her, though I know she will, but again, I can’t help but say this.

She gave me a playful smirk while looking at my back, and I knew Ivan must be preparing to go to the car, and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s nothing like what you are thinking,” I said, annoyingly.

“And how do you know what I am thinking?” She asked me, and I ignored her and went towards Bella and told her she would come in the next car as I was heading back home as I was not feeling well. And being an understanding child, she said they are done too and they will be home soon, but asked me to go ahead.

I wonder how this almost-three-year-old has so much understanding.

Kissing both girls, I padded towards the car, and we left for home.

Thankfully, Ivan did not ask me anything on the way back.

I was getting impatient bit by bit, and I just wanted to reach home as soon as possible.

“Why are you looking distressed? Is there anything bothering you?” Ivan asks while keeping his eyes on the road.

I instantly cleaned my sweat from my head and neck from the back of my head and shook my head in agreement. I knew for a fact that my voice might not support me right now.

He gives me a quick look, as if he does not agree with what I just said.

“If nothing else, I believe we are good friends for sure, Rose.” He said it, and I know what he is trying to say.

“It’s really nothing to worry about, Ivan. It’s just that I am not feeling great. I guess I didn’t sleep properly last night, and I guess good sleep will surely help.” I wave off his concern, as I don’t want to answer anymore.

His silence is already a sign that I do not want to prolong the conversation. And that’s what I like about him the most: that he never pressures me for anything. He is very understanding, and he never invades my privacy.

But again, I felt bad. Because he genuinely cares for me and he does not deserve this type of behaviour at all.

“Ivan, sometimes it’s very difficult to let slip your past. No matter how hard you try, something or other always comes up and reminds you of the things you don’t want to remember.” I said while breaking the silence, looking at the lush green field passing by while our car was speeding towards home.

“Past is past, Sarah. The more you hold, the more pain you get. Let it move on.” I heard his voice.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

“I guess it’s easier said than done, my dear friend.” I twisted my lips into a small smile.

“If there is a will, there’s a way.” He said.

“This all looks good in the books, not in reality.” I snorted after hearing him.

“If you don’t want to come out of those memories, then that is an uncommon thing, or else nothing can stop you.” Hearing this, my mood got sour, as if possible. But again, I choose silence.

**