Chapter 64 Concealing Heartbreak
Chapter 64 Concealing Heartbreak
Evelyn
"Are you sure you're okay?" Clara asked, lifting a sandwich to my lips. "You seem different."
"Why?" I asked, my brow furrowing as I took a bite, "Did you spend a year moping around after your first heartbreak, crying for someone who clearly didn't care about you, or did you turn into a depressed woman starved for love?"
I could sense her surprise at my response. I couldn't blame her; my friends were all reacting the same way. They expected me to act like a heartbroken woman, crying and drowning in grief. Perhaps I should have, but for some reason, I couldn't. I didn't know why but I also didn't try to figure out any of it.
I felt strangely numb. Everything seemed oddly normal because I had, to some extent, shut down my emotions, shutting out everything that hurt.
"Well, not really, but you were acting completely different last night," she said, wiping the corner of my mouth with a handkerchief. "Are you sure you're okay, Evelyn? You don't have to pretend. I'm here for you."
Was I pretending?
No, absolutely not. As long as I could keep him and those painful memories buried in the darkest corners of my mind, I'd be fine. And I had every intention of keeping them buried for a really long time.
"I'm just trying to keep myself busy, Clara," I sighed, "I don't want to waste any more thoughts on that cold-hearted bastard and I am done wasting my tears too. He's out there fucking his ex, so at the very least, I need to go back to living a somewhat normal life like I used to before him."
"So, you're avoiding the pain instead of confronting it," she said, her eyes softening. "Evelyn, I'm telling you, it's not a good idea. When it finally hits you, it will hurt more than you can imagine."
"I think it hit me the hardest when I saw him with that bitch today," I chuckled softly. "And since he's moved on so quickly, I should too." Yes, I could manage to keep him out of my mind for good. It wasn't a big deal. I had been fine before him, and I would be fine after him.
"Evelyn," Clara began, her expression filled with concern. "You can't just avoid the pain and move on. You can't move on unless you face it. Your dad and I have been in your shoes before. The longer you ignore it, the tighter it grips you-harder when you least expect it."
I will not let it hit me....
Neither, I won't allow him nor his memories to hurt me.
"Relax, cutie pie," A soft laugh escaped my mouth as I took another bite of the sandwich. "I'll be fine, and besides, why worry when I have you? I know you'll help me through this mess."
"Evie..."
"No lectures, Clara. Trust me, I'm fine, and I'll stay fine at least until this wedding is over," I interrupted, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Now, feed me. I'm starving."
I knew Clara had plenty to say, but I also understood that she didn't want to spoil the moment. Right now, I was in a temporary state of contentment, even though both of us knew that it might not last long, she didn't want to disrupt it. So, in the end, she sighed in defeat and resumed feeding me.
"I didn't sign up to babysit a five-year-old when I decided to marry Samuel," she chuckled.
"Too bad, you're stuck with me now."
***
I applied my makeup, dressing casually while humming along to the music playing on my speaker. It was a peculiar feeling, as if I were awash with emotions and yet utterly numb at the same time. A strange hollowness resided within me, and I needed something, anything, to make me feel... perhaps, alive again?
I was not totally dead, of course. I could still feel it- the pain trying to crawl up those walls I had already sealed shut. I just hoped they wouldn't break...I just hoped.
Fuck it, I was going to be alright.
The balance was precarious, like treading on a fragile thread above the charred remains of a bridge. Each time I delved into my emotions, I unearthed things I'd rather not see, feelings I wished to destroy, and above all, I didn't want to love again.
This delicate balance was all I had to hold onto.
As I ran a comb through my hair and spritzed on my favourite perfume, its scent a blend of roses and honeysuckle, Jennie popped her head into the
room.
"Hey, Evie, are you-?" she began but stopped short, clearly taken aback. "Holy shit! You look stunning!"
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow,
examining myself in the mirror. The white, one-shoulder bodycon mini dress hugged my curves perfectly, revealing just enough skin. I didn't mind the allure, not when my
intentions for the evening
anything but innocent- I couldn't really forget someone embedded in every cell of my mind by just doing sweet and innocent things- it takes equal amount of fire to eradicate the other one," "Do you think I'll manage to attract a decent guy tonight?"
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"Of course, what else for?" I rolled my eyes.
"Hell yeah, bitch," Jennie laughed. "You're going to have plenty of them chasing after you. So, get ready for a steamy night."
"Oh, I am," I chuckled, picking up my purse. "I really am."
For a fraction of a second, my thoughts began diverting in the very way I didn't want them to.
There will be plenty of guys out
there, far better than Jacob Adriano. No matter how mesmerizing those green eyes of his were, no matter how perfectly chiseled his jawline, how tempting his lips, how striking his nose, how sun-kissed his skin, or how seductive his silky smooth voice-there has to be at least one person tonight who can help me forget him. Maybe more than one, to banish his memory from my thoughts. I can't let him continue to cling to every cell, every fibre of my being, every beat of my damn heart.
"Evelyn?" Jennie's voice finally pulled me back to reality.
"Sorry, what? Did you ask me something?"
"I was asking if you've told Samuel that we're heading out?"
"Not yet," I shrugged it off, retrieving my dad's credit card from my drawer and placing it in my purse. It always stayed with me, whether by his consent or not, perhaps with a little help from my occasional stealing skills. But tonight, there was no need to resort to theft; he had given me this card a while ago and forgotten about it. Content belongs
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"I assume he's at the hall with his friends, chatting away as usual. I'll just let him know as we leave," I said, turning toward the door after a final glance in the mirror. "Let's go, is everyone else ready?"
"Mason and Nancy are waiting by his car," she informed me. "We should hurry, or they might eat us alive. Mason's eager for some dick, and Nancy probably has scheduled some. So, it's just you and me dealing with this 'crisis.""
"Calm down," I reassured her, laughing, "There's always plenty of bad guys to meet at the club, and I have a feeling we'll find some baddest ones amongst them tonight." I winked at her and walked out, with her following me.