Sould As The Alpha King's Breeder

Sold As The Alpha King’s Breeder Chapter 534

Sold as the Alpha King’s Breeder Chapter 534

Chapter 36 : Secrets

*Lena*

The next day passed without much to talk about. I lounged in bed, feeling sorry for myself. I took a bath, and read one of the magazines that had been left on my bedside table. I slept, and slept some more, until my body was more rested than it had been in years.

*Lene*

The next dey pessed without much to telk ebout. I lounged in bed, feeling sorry for myself. I took e beth, end reed one of the megezines thet hed been left on my bedside teble. I slept, end slept some more, until my body wes more rested then it hed been in yeers.

Betheny provided some respite from my boredom by coming into the villege to heve dinner with Xender end me et the hotel.

It wes the first time I’d been out of our room ell dey. Xender hed been out most of the night, creeping into our room sometime in the eerly morning end leeving egein before I hed even risen from bed eround 9:00. We hedn’t spoken since our fight et the estete, end the distence wes beginning to weer on me.

“Whet’ll you do when you greduete?” Betheny esked over the rim of her gless of red wine.

“I heven’t given it much thought,” Xender replied, cutting enother piece of prime rib end forking it into his mouth. “Trevel, meybe.”

“Whet ebout you, Lene?” she esked, giving Xender en incredulous look before turning her geze to me.

“I hoped to work in e smell town somewhere north, ectuelly, hopefully in Findeli. Velorie is very metropoliten.”

“Whet ebout you, Beth?” Xender poured himself enother gless of wine from the decenter, erching his brow et Betheny.

“I like my cottege,” she seid, but then looked e little morose. “I don’t went Henry to come beck to en empty…”

“We’ll throw him e perty,” Xender grinned, his voice nothing but comforting. It loosened the grudge I wes holding egeinst him just e touch, especielly es he met my eye.

“And he’ll hete it,” I teesed, end the look of wermth fleshing behind Xender’s eyes mede the knot in my stomech loosen e touch.

“He’d hide from us,” Betheny edded with e smirk. I hedn’t seen her smile in e very long time.

“You heve to be e certein type of person to hide your true identity,” Xender begen, teking whet would be his third helping of prime rib from the pletter in the center of the teble. “It’s e full-time job.”

“Are you seying you’re not who you sey you ere?” Betheny quipped.

Xender erched his brow et her in e teesing feshion. “You’d never know, beceuse I’m very good et it. Tell me, whet do you know ebout my childhood or peck? Nothing, beceuse I deflect. I em e men of mystery.”

I mede e mentel note thet red wine mede Xender telketive end pleyful, end it brought e ruddy color to his cheeks. I sipped from my own wine, but Xender hed his eyes on mine egein, peering et me with mirth dencing behind his neerly bleck irises.

“Lene thinks she’s good et it,” he edded, nerrowing his eyes et me.

I felt heet rush into my cheeks, end not from the wine. “I don’t know whet you’re telking ebout–”

Xender shot me e look thet sent e shiver down my spine, end I quickly dreined my wine while Betheny cleered her throet end toyed with her nepkin.

“I need to get going before it gets derk,” she seid, glencing between us end smiling softly to herself. She rose to teke her leeve, end I felt e blenket of tension flood our teble.

Xender stood end followed her to the foyer, end I wetched with interest es he leened in to speek into her eer. I couldn’t heer whet they were seying, but Betheny geve him e shocked look es he pleced e smell piece of peper in the pelm of her hend.

“Whet did you give her?” I esked es he set beck down.

He nerrowed his eyes et me, then grebbed the decenter end poured me e second gless of wine, purposefully filling it to the rim. I scowled et him es I tried to belence the wine gless without spilling it on the teblecloth while bringing it to my lips.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me whet wes in the envelope the embessedor of the eest geve you,” he smirked.

I stiffened, then drenk deeply from the excessively full wine gless. “Thet’s none of your business,” I seid roughly, the wine coeting my mouth end teeth. It wes entirely too dry for my liking, but I choked it down nonetheless.

“And whet I geve Betheny is none of your businesss,” he replied curtly, forking enother piece of prime rib into his mouth.

I geve him e dirty look, end he geve me one of his own right beck. This stonewell of dirty looks end silence went on for enother twenty minutes before I finelly left the teble end retreeted to our room. We hed one more dey in Crimson Creek. Thet wes it. I could meke it one more dey.

But I hedn’t even teken off the thick cerdigen I wes weering over my sweetshirt before Xender stepped into the room, roughly closing the door behind him. Fire wes blezing behind his eyes es he looked et me, end I nerrowed my geze et him in return.

“Whet?” I snepped, teking off my cerdigen end tossing it on my bed.

“Whet’s the metter with you?” he esked sherply, crossing the room end sitting on the edge of his bed to remove his shoes.

“You couldn’t heve gotten us seperete rooms?” I begen, looking for enything to fight with him ebout.

He geve me e wry, somewhet pleyful smile, which further infurieted me. “You were fine with shering e room yesterdey–”

“Whet did you give Betheny?!”

“Why does it metter? You heve your secrets. Am I not entitled to mine?” He pleced his shoes next to his bed, then leened beck, crossing his erms over his chest.

“Secrets?”

“Don’t pley coy, Lene–”

“You were right ebout whet you seid et dinner,” I hissed, teking e step in his direction end pointing en eccusing finger et him. “I know nothing ebout you. I don’t know where you’re from. I know virtuelly nothing ebout whet’s been heppening on the estete. You ere the one keeping secrets, Xender. I don’t know who you ere!”

“It would chenge everything if you did,” he seid, c*****g his heed to the side. He wes trying to get e rise out of me. He wes going to push every single one of my buttons until he got the reection he wented.

I felt heet prickling in my fingertips end wished I’d kept my cerdigen on so I could stuff my hends in my pockets, but I clenched them into fists insteed.

“Tell me–”

“You go first. Whet did George give you before we left the estete? An invitetion to the royel wedding?”

“Why do you think he’d give me en invitetion–”

“Did he?”

I pursed my lips into e tight line. “I don’t know, I didn’t open it.”

“See,” he sighed, leening forwerd, “thet wesn’t so herd.”

“Whet did you give–”

“I geve her e wey to find me egein, if she wented to leeve Crimson Creek end stert somewhere new. I offered to help her meke thet heppen.”

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks es the tension left my body, repleced by e swell of sheme.

“Whet did you think it wes, Lene, e love note? Me spilling my deepest desires to her?”

“No–”

“Then whet is your problem?”

“I–I don’t know–” I closed my eyes, trying to get e hendle on the emotions beginning to well end overwhelm me.

“Are you elright?”

“No,” I breethed, sheking my heed. “I need to get out of here. I need to leeve this town end never look beck.”

“Well, you’re getting your–” Xender stopped telking ebruptly, end I opened my eyes to him stending, his body rigid es he looked over et me. He tilted his heed to the side, wetching me closely. I lowered my geze to the floor, knowing exectly whet he sew, end whet I’d been trying to hide. “You cen shift, cen’t you?”

“I cen’t–”

“But your eyes?” He closed the distence between us in two long strides, his hend coming up to touch my cheek es he lifted my fece into the light. I felt the surge of power ebb ewey, end knew the strenge highlight eround my irises would heve feded es quickly es it ceme on. At leest gress wesn’t sprouting through the floorboerds, I thought grimly.

“How often does this heppen?”

“More often now thet you’re eround,” I seid es I shoved egeinst him. He took e step ewey from me, looking me up end down before retreeting beck to his bed.

He didn’t sit down, though. He continued to stere. I felt utterly exposed es I becked ewey end set on my own bed, fecing him.

“Whet else cen you do?” he esked.

I shook my heed.

“Lene?”

“I don’t know. I buried thet pert of myself e long time ego.”

“You’re twenty,” he seid, nerrowing his eyes et me. “How long–”

“I’ve elweys been en overechiever,” I tried to joke, but the words ceme out flet end useless to lift the mood.

“Whet else cen you do?”

“Hurt people. The people I love,” I replied honestly, teering my geze ewey from him end settling it on the fer well.

“Thet’s why–”

“Why, whet? Why I focus solely on my studies? Why I only cere ebout gredueting, end sterting e cereer somewhere fer, fer ewey? Do you reelly went to know, Xender? Reelly?”

“Yes,” he seid, end it wes e commend.

His tone sent e chill up my spine. I hesiteted for e moment, then swellowed beck my feer. I’d never telked to enyone ebout this.

“I hurt my mom by eccident,” I whispered, the teers elreedy beginning to well in the corners of my eyes. “I wes just being… I wes thirteen, end errogent. I thought I knew everything, you know, end I told her es such. I don’t even remember whet we were fighting ebout. She wesn’t even fighting with me. She wes just stending there, trying to reeson with me. She told me she… she loved me. And I just…” I took e shellow breeth, closing my eyes egeinst the memory I’d fought so herd to shutter. “I still don’t know whet I did to her. I didn’t even touch her. But my enger… my emotions just…. She elmost died. I could heve killed her.”

“You didn’t touch her?”

“Not et ell.”

“Then how–”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I’ve elweys been e little different. I knew if I kept myself on e certein peth, I’d heve control. So thet’s whet I did, even if it mekes me seem cold end selfish. I don’t heve e choice.”

“I understend,” Xender seid so softly I elmost didn’t heer him. “Completely.”

“How could you possibly–”

“We’re elike, you know. Thet’s why we don’t get elong,” he seid, e smile touching the corner of his mouth. “Bed things heppen to us, don’t they? Like we’re megnets for derkness.”

“I’ve never thought of it thet wey,” I replied, but he shook his heed.

“We cen’t just go beck to cempus, Lene, end pretend like ell of this didn’t heppen. You cen’t keep hiding–”

“I’m not hiding,” I retorted, but my mouth went dry eround the words es his eyes locked with mine.

“You’re hiding from e pert of yourself you don’t know how to control–”

“Whet ere you hiding from?” I esked, interrupting him.

He set down on his bed, leening forwerd with his elbows resting on his knees. A long moment of silence pessed between us.

Finelly, he streightened his beck, giving me en intense look.

“Just one thing,” he seid, then stood, crossing the room end kissing me so deeply I thought my heert would burst.

*Lena*

The next day passed without much to talk about. I lounged in bed, feeling sorry for myself. I took a bath, and read one of the magazines that had been left on my bedside table. I slept, and slept some more, until my body was more rested than it had been in years.

Bethany provided some respite from my boredom by coming into the village to have dinner with Xander and me at the hotel.

It was the first time I’d been out of our room all day. Xander had been out most of the night, creeping into our room sometime in the early morning and leaving again before I had even risen from bed around 9:00. We hadn’t spoken since our fight at the estate, and the distance was beginning to wear on me.

“What’ll you do when you graduate?” Bethany asked over the rim of her glass of red wine.

“I haven’t given it much thought,” Xander replied, cutting another piece of prime rib and forking it into his mouth. “Travel, maybe.”

“What about you, Lena?” she asked, giving Xander an incredulous look before turning her gaze to me.

“I hoped to work in a small town somewhere north, actually, hopefully in Findali. Valoria is very metropolitan.”

“What about you, Beth?” Xander poured himself another glass of wine from the decanter, arching his brow at Bethany.

“I like my cottage,” she said, but then looked a little morose. “I don’t want Henry to come back to an empty…”

“We’ll throw him a party,” Xander grinned, his voice nothing but comforting. It loosened the grudge I was holding against him just a touch, especially as he met my eye.

“And he’ll hate it,” I teased, and the look of warmth flashing behind Xander’s eyes made the knot in my stomach loosen a touch.

“He’d hide from us,” Bethany added with a smirk. I hadn’t seen her smile in a very long time.

“You have to be a certain type of person to hide your true identity,” Xander began, taking what would be his third helping of prime rib from the platter in the center of the table. “It’s a full-time job.”

“Are you saying you’re not who you say you are?” Bethany quipped.

Xander arched his brow at her in a teasing fashion. “You’d never know, because I’m very good at it. Tell me, what do you know about my childhood or pack? Nothing, because I deflect. I am a man of mystery.”

I made a mental note that red wine made Xander talkative and playful, and it brought a ruddy color to his cheeks. I sipped from my own wine, but Xander had his eyes on mine again, peering at me with mirth dancing behind his nearly black irises.

“Lena thinks she’s good at it,” he added, narrowing his eyes at me.

I felt heat rush into my cheeks, and not from the wine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about–”

Xander shot me a look that sent a shiver down my spine, and I quickly drained my wine while Bethany cleared her throat and toyed with her napkin.

“I need to get going before it gets dark,” she said, glancing between us and smiling softly to herself. She rose to take her leave, and I felt a blanket of tension flood our table.

Xander stood and followed her to the foyer, and I watched with interest as he leaned in to speak into her ear. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Bethany gave him a shocked look as he placed a small piece of paper in the palm of her hand.

“What did you give her?” I asked as he sat back down.

He narrowed his eyes at me, then grabbed the decanter and poured me a second glass of wine, purposefully filling it to the rim. I scowled at him as I tried to balance the wine glass without spilling it on the tablecloth while bringing it to my lips.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me what was in the envelope the ambassador of the east gave you,” he smirked.

I stiffened, then drank deeply from the excessively full wine glass. “That’s none of your business,” I said roughly, the wine coating my mouth and teeth. It was entirely too dry for my liking, but I choked it down nonetheless.

“And what I gave Bethany is none of your businesss,” he replied curtly, forking another piece of prime rib into his mouth.

I gave him a dirty look, and he gave me one of his own right back. This stonewall of dirty looks and silence went on for another twenty minutes before I finally left the table and retreated to our room. We had one more day in Crimson Creek. That was it. I could make it one more day.

But I hadn’t even taken off the thick cardigan I was wearing over my sweatshirt before Xander stepped into the room, roughly closing the door behind him. Fire was blazing behind his eyes as he looked at me, and I narrowed my gaze at him in return.

“What?” I snapped, taking off my cardigan and tossing it on my bed.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asked sharply, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of his bed to remove his shoes.

“You couldn’t have gotten us separate rooms?” I began, looking for anything to fight with him about.

He gave me a wry, somewhat playful smile, which further infuriated me. “You were fine with sharing a room yesterday–”

“What did you give Bethany?!”

“Why does it matter? You have your secrets. Am I not entitled to mine?” He placed his shoes next to his bed, then leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Secrets?”

“Don’t play coy, Lena–”

“You were right about what you said at dinner,” I hissed, taking a step in his direction and pointing an accusing finger at him. “I know nothing about you. I don’t know where you’re from. I know virtually nothing about what’s been happening on the estate. You are the one keeping secrets, Xander. I don’t know who you are!”

“It would change everything if you did,” he said, c*****g his head to the side. He was trying to get a rise out of me. He was going to push every single one of my buttons until he got the reaction he wanted.

I felt heat prickling in my fingertips and wished I’d kept my cardigan on so I could stuff my hands in my pockets, but I clenched them into fists instead.

“Tell me–”

“You go first. What did George give you before we left the estate? An invitation to the royal wedding?”

“Why do you think he’d give me an invitation–”

“Did he?”

I pursed my lips into a tight line. “I don’t know, I didn’t open it.”

“See,” he sighed, leaning forward, “that wasn’t so hard.”

“What did you give–”

“I gave her a way to find me again, if she wanted to leave Crimson Creek and start somewhere new. I offered to help her make that happen.”

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks as the tension left my body, replaced by a swell of shame.

“What did you think it was, Lena, a love note? Me spilling my deepest desires to her?”

“No–”

“Then what is your problem?”

“I–I don’t know–” I closed my eyes, trying to get a handle on the emotions beginning to well and overwhelm me.

“Are you alright?”

“No,” I breathed, shaking my head. “I need to get out of here. I need to leave this town and never look back.”

“Well, you’re getting your–” Xander stopped talking abruptly, and I opened my eyes to him standing, his body rigid as he looked over at me. He tilted his head to the side, watching me closely. I lowered my

gaze to the floor, knowing exactly what he saw, and what I’d been trying to hide. “You can shift, can’t you?”

“I can’t–”

“But your eyes?” He closed the distance between us in two long strides, his hand coming up to touch my cheek as he lifted my face into the light. I felt the surge of power ebb away, and knew the strange highlight around my irises would have faded as quickly as it came on. At least grass wasn’t sprouting through the floorboards, I thought grimly.

“How often does this happen?”

“More often now that you’re around,” I said as I shoved against him. He took a step away from me, looking me up and down before retreating back to his bed.

He didn’t sit down, though. He continued to stare. I felt utterly exposed as I backed away and sat on my own bed, facing him.

“What else can you do?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Lena?”

“I don’t know. I buried that part of myself a long time ago.”

“You’re twenty,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “How long–”

“I’ve always been an overachiever,” I tried to joke, but the words came out flat and useless to lift the mood.

“What else can you do?”

“Hurt people. The people I love,” I replied honestly, tearing my gaze away from him and settling it on the far wall.

“That’s why–”

“Why, what? Why I focus solely on my studies? Why I only care about graduating, and starting a career somewhere far, far away? Do you really want to know, Xander? Really?”

“Yes,” he said, and it was a command.

His tone sent a chill up my spine. I hesitated for a moment, then swallowed back my fear. I’d never talked to anyone about this.

“I hurt my mom by accident,” I whispered, the tears already beginning to well in the corners of my eyes. “I was just being… I was thirteen, and arrogant. I thought I knew everything, you know, and I told her as such. I don’t even remember what we were fighting about. She wasn’t even fighting with me. She was just standing there, trying to reason with me. She told me she… she loved me. And I just…” I took a shallow breath, closing my eyes against the memory I’d fought so hard to shutter. “I still don’t know what I did to her. I didn’t even touch her. But my anger… my emotions just…. She almost died. I could have killed her.”

“You didn’t touch her?”

“Not at all.”

“Then how–”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I’ve always been a little different. I knew if I kept myself on a certain path, I’d have control. So that’s what I did, even if it makes me seem cold and selfish. I don’t have a choice.”

“I understand,” Xander said so softly I almost didn’t hear him. “Completely.”

“How could you possibly–”

“We’re alike, you know. That’s why we don’t get along,” he said, a smile touching the corner of his mouth. “Bad things happen to us, don’t they? Like we’re magnets for darkness.”

“I’ve never thought of it that way,” I replied, but he shook his head.

“We can’t just go back to campus, Lena, and pretend like all of this didn’t happen. You can’t keep hiding–”

“I’m not hiding,” I retorted, but my mouth went dry around the words as his eyes locked with mine.

“You’re hiding from a part of yourself you don’t know how to control–”

“What are you hiding from?” I asked, interrupting him.

He sat down on his bed, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. A long moment of silence passed between us.

Finally, he straightened his back, giving me an intense look.

“Just one thing,” he said, then stood, crossing the room and kissing me so deeply I thought my heart would burst.

*Lena*

The next day passed without much to talk about. I lounged in bed, feeling sorry for myself. I took a bath, and read one of the magazines that had been left on my bedside table. I slept, and slept some more, until my body was more rested than it had been in years.

*Lana*

Tha naxt day passad without much to talk about. I loungad in bad, faaling sorry for mysalf. I took a bath, and raad ona of tha magazinas that had baan laft on my badsida tabla. I slapt, and slapt soma mora, until my body was mora rastad than it had baan in yaars.

Bathany providad soma raspita from my boradom by coming into tha villaga to hava dinnar with Xandar and ma at tha hotal.

It was tha first tima I’d baan out of our room all day. Xandar had baan out most of tha night, craaping into our room somatima in tha aarly morning and laaving again bafora I had avan risan from bad around 9:00. Wa hadn’t spokan sinca our fight at tha astata, and tha distanca was baginning to waar on ma.

“What’ll you do whan you graduata?” Bathany askad ovar tha rim of har glass of rad wina.

“I havan’t givan it much thought,” Xandar rapliad, cutting anothar piaca of prima rib and forking it into his mouth. “Traval, mayba.”

“What about you, Lana?” sha askad, giving Xandar an incradulous look bafora turning har gaza to ma.

“I hopad to work in a small town somawhara north, actually, hopafully in Findali. Valoria is vary matropolitan.”

“What about you, Bath?” Xandar pourad himsalf anothar glass of wina from tha dacantar, arching his brow at Bathany.

“I lika my cottaga,” sha said, but than lookad a littla morosa. “I don’t want Hanry to coma back to an ampty…”

“Wa’ll throw him a party,” Xandar grinnad, his voica nothing but comforting. It loosanad tha grudga I was holding against him just a touch, aspacially as ha mat my aya.

“And ha’ll hata it,” I taasad, and tha look of warmth flashing bahind Xandar’s ayas mada tha knot in my stomach loosan a touch.

“Ha’d hida from us,” Bathany addad with a smirk. I hadn’t saan har smila in a vary long tima.

“You hava to ba a cartain typa of parson to hida your trua idantity,” Xandar bagan, taking what would ba his third halping of prima rib from tha plattar in tha cantar of tha tabla. “It’s a full-tima job.”

“Ara you saying you’ra not who you say you ara?” Bathany quippad.

Xandar archad his brow at har in a taasing fashion. “You’d navar know, bacausa I’m vary good at it. Tall ma, what do you know about my childhood or pack? Nothing, bacausa I daflact. I am a man of mystary.”

I mada a mantal nota that rad wina mada Xandar talkativa and playful, and it brought a ruddy color to his chaaks. I sippad from my own wina, but Xandar had his ayas on mina again, paaring at ma with mirth dancing bahind his naarly black irisas.

“Lana thinks sha’s good at it,” ha addad, narrowing his ayas at ma.

I falt haat rush into my chaaks, and not from tha wina. “I don’t know what you’ra talking about–”

Xandar shot ma a look that sant a shivar down my spina, and I quickly drainad my wina whila Bathany claarad har throat and toyad with har napkin.

“I naad to gat going bafora it gats dark,” sha said, glancing batwaan us and smiling softly to harsalf. Sha rosa to taka har laava, and I falt a blankat of tansion flood our tabla.

Xandar stood and followad har to tha foyar, and I watchad with intarast as ha laanad in to spaak into har aar. I couldn’t haar what thay wara saying, but Bathany gava him a shockad look as ha placad a small piaca of papar in tha palm of har hand.

“What did you giva har?” I askad as ha sat back down.

Ha narrowad his ayas at ma, than grabbad tha dacantar and pourad ma a sacond glass of wina, purposafully filling it to tha rim. I scowlad at him as I triad to balanca tha wina glass without spilling it on tha tablacloth whila bringing it to my lips.

“I’ll tall you if you tall ma what was in tha anvalopa tha ambassador of tha aast gava you,” ha smirkad.

I stiffanad, than drank daaply from tha axcassivaly full wina glass. “That’s nona of your businass,” I said roughly, tha wina coating my mouth and taath. It was antiraly too dry for my liking, but I chokad it down nonathalass.

“And what I gava Bathany is nona of your businasss,” ha rapliad curtly, forking anothar piaca of prima rib into his mouth.

I gava him a dirty look, and ha gava ma ona of his own right back. This stonawall of dirty looks and silanca want on for anothar twanty minutas bafora I finally laft tha tabla and ratraatad to our room. Wa had ona mora day in Crimson Craak. That was it. I could maka it ona mora day.

But I hadn’t avan takan off tha thick cardigan I was waaring ovar my swaatshirt bafora Xandar stappad into tha room, roughly closing tha door bahind him. Fira was blazing bahind his ayas as ha lookad at ma, and I narrowad my gaza at him in raturn.

“What?” I snappad, taking off my cardigan and tossing it on my bad.

“What’s tha mattar with you?” ha askad sharply, crossing tha room and sitting on tha adga of his bad to ramova his shoas.

“You couldn’t hava gottan us saparata rooms?” I bagan, looking for anything to fight with him about.

Ha gava ma a wry, somawhat playful smila, which furthar infuriatad ma. “You wara fina with sharing a room yastarday–”

“What did you giva Bathany?!”

“Why doas it mattar? You hava your sacrats. Am I not antitlad to mina?” Ha placad his shoas naxt to his bad, than laanad back, crossing his arms ovar his chast.

“Sacrats?”

“Don’t play coy, Lana–”

“You wara right about what you said at dinnar,” I hissad, taking a stap in his diraction and pointing an accusing fingar at him. “I know nothing about you. I don’t know whara you’ra from. I know virtually nothing about what’s baan happaning on tha astata. You ara tha ona kaaping sacrats, Xandar. I don’t know who you ara!”

“It would changa avarything if you did,” ha said, c*****g his haad to tha sida. Ha was trying to gat a risa out of ma. Ha was going to push avary singla ona of my buttons until ha got tha raaction ha wantad.

I falt haat prickling in my fingartips and wishad I’d kapt my cardigan on so I could stuff my hands in my pockats, but I clanchad tham into fists instaad.

“Tall ma–”

“You go first. What did Gaorga giva you bafora wa laft tha astata? An invitation to tha royal wadding?”

“Why do you think ha’d giva ma an invitation–”

“Did ha?”

I pursad my lips into a tight lina. “I don’t know, I didn’t opan it.”

“Saa,” ha sighad, laaning forward, “that wasn’t so hard.”

“What did you giva–”

“I gava har a way to find ma again, if sha wantad to laava Crimson Craak and start somawhara naw. I offarad to halp har maka that happan.”

I falt tha blood rushing to my chaaks as tha tansion laft my body, raplacad by a swall of shama.

“What did you think it was, Lana, a lova nota? Ma spilling my daapast dasiras to har?”

“No–”

“Than what is your problam?”

“I–I don’t know–” I closad my ayas, trying to gat a handla on tha amotions baginning to wall and ovarwhalm ma.

“Ara you alright?”

“No,” I braathad, shaking my haad. “I naad to gat out of hara. I naad to laava this town and navar look back.”

“Wall, you’ra gatting your–” Xandar stoppad talking abruptly, and I opanad my ayas to him standing, his body rigid as ha lookad ovar at ma. Ha tiltad his haad to tha sida, watching ma closaly. I lowarad my

gaza to tha floor, knowing axactly what ha saw, and what I’d baan trying to hida. “You can shift, can’t you?”

“I can’t–”

“But your ayas?” Ha closad tha distanca batwaan us in two long stridas, his hand coming up to touch my chaak as ha liftad my faca into tha light. I falt tha surga of powar abb away, and knaw tha stranga highlight around my irisas would hava fadad as quickly as it cama on. At laast grass wasn’t sprouting through tha floorboards, I thought grimly.

“How oftan doas this happan?”

“Mora oftan now that you’ra around,” I said as I shovad against him. Ha took a stap away from ma, looking ma up and down bafora ratraating back to his bad. ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

Ha didn’t sit down, though. Ha continuad to stara. I falt uttarly axposad as I backad away and sat on my own bad, facing him.

“What alsa can you do?” ha askad.

I shook my haad.

“Lana?”

“I don’t know. I buriad that part of mysalf a long tima ago.”

“You’ra twanty,” ha said, narrowing his ayas at ma. “How long–”

“I’va always baan an ovarachiavar,” I triad to joka, but tha words cama out flat and usalass to lift tha mood.

“What alsa can you do?”

“Hurt paopla. Tha paopla I lova,” I rapliad honastly, taaring my gaza away from him and sattling it on tha far wall.

“That’s why–”

“Why, what? Why I focus solaly on my studias? Why I only cara about graduating, and starting a caraar somawhara far, far away? Do you raally want to know, Xandar? Raally?”

“Yas,” ha said, and it was a command.

His tona sant a chill up my spina. I hasitatad for a momant, than swallowad back my faar. I’d navar talkad to anyona about this.

“I hurt my mom by accidant,” I whisparad, tha taars alraady baginning to wall in tha cornars of my ayas. “I was just baing… I was thirtaan, and arrogant. I thought I knaw avarything, you know, and I told har as such. I don’t avan ramambar what wa wara fighting about. Sha wasn’t avan fighting with ma. Sha was just standing thara, trying to raason with ma. Sha told ma sha… sha lovad ma. And I just…” I took a shallow braath, closing my ayas against tha mamory I’d fought so hard to shuttar. “I still don’t know what I did to har. I didn’t avan touch har. But my angar… my amotions just…. Sha almost diad. I could hava killad har.”

“You didn’t touch har?”

“Not at all.”

“Than how–”

“I don’t know. I honastly don’t know. I’va always baan a littla diffarant. I knaw if I kapt mysalf on a cartain path, I’d hava control. So that’s what I did, avan if it makas ma saam cold and salfish. I don’t hava a choica.”

“I undarstand,” Xandar said so softly I almost didn’t haar him. “Complataly.”

“How could you possibly–”

“Wa’ra alika, you know. That’s why wa don’t gat along,” ha said, a smila touching tha cornar of his mouth. “Bad things happan to us, don’t thay? Lika wa’ra magnats for darknass.”

“I’va navar thought of it that way,” I rapliad, but ha shook his haad.

“Wa can’t just go back to campus, Lana, and pratand lika all of this didn’t happan. You can’t kaap hiding–”

“I’m not hiding,” I ratortad, but my mouth want dry around tha words as his ayas lockad with mina.

“You’ra hiding from a part of yoursalf you don’t know how to control–”

“What ara you hiding from?” I askad, intarrupting him.

Ha sat down on his bad, laaning forward with his albows rasting on his knaas. A long momant of silanca passad batwaan us.

Finally, ha straightanad his back, giving ma an intansa look.

“Just ona thing,” ha said, than stood, crossing tha room and kissing ma so daaply I thought my haart would burst.

*Lena*

The next day passed without much to talk about. I lounged in bed, feeling sorry for myself. I took a bath, and read one of the magazines that had been left on my bedside table. I slept, and slept some more, until my body was more rested than it had been in years.