Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 99: Ninety Miles 

EMMA’s POV :

"Elliot...I...l.."

I took a deep breath and steadied myself, finally saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't give you an answer right now.This is a lot and it’s serious and I have to think about it first..."

"Oh,"his mouth formed an ‘O’ and the look of hope and excitement in his eyes faded into disappointment.

"I have no idea you're even considering something like this.You never even told me about it,"

I said to him.

"That's what I'm doing now, I'm telling you.This is what I want,"he paused for a beat before continuing, "Is this not what you want?"

"l...I mean, it’s a big step..."I stammered.

"I’m just turning twenty-two this year...and I may look like it, but I don’t feel like an adult.I still feel like I'm just a child and I don’t even know what my life is gonna be like a month from now.You know what I mean?"

"I understand,"

Elliott put his gaze down and sighed.

He closed the little velvet box and shoved it back into his jacket pocket.

The air suddenly felt cold and I could hear the faint whispers and murmurs of the people watching us.

I didn’t dare to look, I was afraid I'd be faced with judgmental eyes or pity smiles.

"Ehem,"

Tristan coughed awkwardly as he stepped towards us.

I was glad that he decided to come in at this point.

He was saving us from the awkward ‘now what’ conversation.

"You got your hot dogs?"I said to him.

"Yup..."he replied.

"So...uh, is there any other place we should go to before we head back?"I said to both Elliott and Tristan.

I was trying to make the situation as calm and as normal as possible, but Elliott wasn’t buying into it.

"I think I'll just go home,"he said, pausing for a moment before continuing, "You two can keep going, I'll take the train back.I could use the time to think,"

"Are you sure...?"I asked cautiously.

"Yes.I'll see you at home,"

he let out a small smile and leaned towards me for a kiss.

I didn’t move away, and I thought he was going to kiss me on the lips, but he kissed me on the cheek instead.

I didn't say another word.

I just watched quietly as Elliott turned around and walked out of the park.

Meanwhile, Tristan was studying my face intently and he let out a long deep sigh once Elliott was out of sight.

"Whoa, E, what in the world happened just now?"

"I don’t know, T.I don’t know where this is coming from.We never talked about marriage or anything like that.Elliott’s just always so...unpredictable," I started babbling out of control.

"It’s like Paris all over again.We never talked about being together, but suddenly he wants to come follow me to the States.And okay, so he wants to have a relationship with me, I can handle that.But this? A marriage? All of a sudden? Like...how?"

I only stopped talking to catch my breath.

Tristan fished out a bottle of water from his hot dog doggie bag and handed it to me, he knew full well that I was thirsty after all that ranting.

I quickly took it from him and gulped down half the bottle at one go.

All this talk about marriage was suddenly making me dizzy and dehydrated.

"I'm not ready for a marriage, T.I mean, look at me, I can barely walk in high heels!"

I continued the rant as Tristan laughed.

"I just got out a super heavy relationship with lan and all I wanted was something easy and light and fun, not a marriage!"

"To be fair, you and lan broke up, what almost two years ago?"

Tristan raised an eyebrow.

"And you Elliott have been dating for almost a year.You can’t blame the guy if he’s thinking about being serious with you,"

"Serious, sure, but a marriage? Really?"I scoffed.

"I'm only gonna be twenty-two in a couple of months!" Tristan wasn't buying into what I was_ saying.

Narrowing his eyes at me, he asked, "Is age really the thing that’s standing between you and saying yes to him?"

"I've been through this before, T.I know not to make the same mistake again twice,"I sighed.

"What do you mean?"he questioned.

"I feel like Elliott's proposal is more of a Hail Mary to save the relationship than an actual proposal,"

"Where'd you get that idea from?"

"Let's just say...I was faced with a similar situation before,"

Tristan blinked a few times before saying, "With lan?"

I smiled bitterly and nodded.

"I was graduating high school.We were broken up, or actually, he broke up with me because he thought he was doing me a favor.But being apart from each other, he realized he’s made a mistake.So he proposed,"

"And...what happened?"

"I said yes.I moved to U Penn and started college, and he moved to New York City to start the gallery.And I guess you know the rest of that story,"

"I see..."

"Marriage is not some Band-Aid you put on the relationship, thinking it's gonna save it.In fact,marriage is only gonna highlight the problem even more,"

"Wow, spoken like a true once engaged person,"

Tristan chuckled and fake clapped.

"I’m glad one of us is finding this situation amusing," I rolled my eyes at him.

"So, what are you gonna tell Elliott then?"

"Wel, I know what I feel and what I want to tell him, but I just don’t have the right words for now.But, I'll get there.I just need to take a walk and arrange my thoughts," Tristan nodded.

He was quiet for a beat, but suddenly he said, "Hey E, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you love even Elliott?"

"Of course!"

I said quickly and somewhat defensively .

"You think I'm in a yearlong relationship with a man I don’t even love?"

"No, ‘Cause I've seen you two together and I've seen you and lan together, and the way you look at him compared to the way you look at lan, they’re not even remotely close,"

Tristan argued.

"I...I..can love a lot of things, okay?"

I stammered a little. Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

"Like, I love my family and I love you and Sophie too, and I love Elliott...but..."

"Not the way you love lan?"Tristan was quick to guess.

"Exactly..."I admitted in defeat.

Tristan looked at me with an expression I couldn't decipher and let out a small sigh.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"E, I said love, not loved,"

"...I probably just misheard you,"I mumbled.

"Come on now, it's me you're talking to.You don't have to lie,"

I looked at Tristan’s face and I knew he was right.

It was just pathetic and sad to admit it out loud, that I was still hopelessly in love with a guy that left me almost two years ago.

"T, what am I gonna do? I’m gonna lose regardless..."

I sighed in exasperation, "If I say no to Elliott, it might be the end for us.

But if I say yes, I know I'm lying to myself and to him too, and that’s not fair...

And it’s not that I don't love Elliott.

But I've been hurt so bad before, I'm scared of ever loving someone the way I love lan.

I want to love Elliott the way he deserves to be loved, but I just need some time to get there,"

"So, you want more time with Elliott to figure things out? To see if you can love him the way you do lan?"he deduced.

"Yeah...pretty much.Does that sound bad?"I asked.

"I don't know, E.What if you never get there?"he asked back.

"What if you could never love him as much as you do lan?"

"That's the thing I'm afraid of..."I admitted.

Tristan didn’t have a comeback for that.

We were quiet for a while now, we just continued walking aimlessly while our thoughts were flying around our heads.

"Hey, T, will you do me a favor?"I said after a while of silence.

"Anything,"he said quickly.

"Can you take Elliott homme? He’s alone in a foreign place, he doesn’t have any friends.

Can you call him and keep him company tonight? I just need to take a walk and reorganize my thoughts, alone, but I'll be back later,"

Tristan nodded reassuringly, "Sure, of course,"

"Thanks, T,"

Tristan turned to his heels, but before he ran towards the direction that Elliott took, he turned back to me and said, "Hey, you'll make the right decision.I know you will,"

We smiled knowingly at each other, another telepathic moment type of thing.

I nodded and he nodded back.

And the next second, Tristan was gone.

Just as I had asked for, I was left alone with my loud, rambling thoughts.

I was walking about fifteen blocks north.

I wasn’t counting or anything, but when I looked up at the street sign, I realized I was in 63rd street already.

Fifteen blocks didn't seem like much when your mind was clouded with uncertainties.

I was back to my old ritual of making a pros and cons list.

I didn’t write it down or anything, but it was all in my head.

To be honest, there were a lot more pros than cons to saying yes to Elliott.

Pros: He is genuinely a really good guy and he loves me a bunch.

He’s got a stable job.

He’s willing to relocate for me.

He’s always supportive of everything I do.

He can cook very well and he’s clean, so he'll make a great roommate...

Cons: I'm not sure if I love him enough...

He has given up so much for me, and I’m afraid I might not be able to do the same for him.

Would all the pros outweigh the cons? Was this enough reason to marry someone? How will I ever know? At this point, my feet were killing me.

I was certain my heels and toes were covered in blisters.

I decided to take a break from all the walking.

Looking around, I tried to find a bench or a cozy spot where I could rest for a while.

Suddenly, my eyes caught sight of this black and white building with huge windows on the front.

It had a bright red awning on the front door that said, New York School of the Arts.

Under the red awning were several posters plastered on the wall.

I gasped instantly when I read what was written on the poster in bold black letters.

"Wait, what? lan Hayes? My lan Hayes?"my brain immediately went to overdrive.

My feet instinctively crossed the street to get a closer look.

The front door was open wide and people were coming in and out, but I didn’t go inside.

I chose to stand in front of a poster next to a large window.

I just wanted to read what it was about.

lan Hayes is one of the founders of World Gallery NYC and is now a lecturer at the New York School of the Arts.

His latest collection of contemporary art paintings and installations are currently on display in the school for the duration of the month of May.

Opening hours are from 10 AM to 4 PM.

Checking my watch, I saw that it was a few minutes before 4 PM.

I didn't know what I was thinking, but the next thing I knew, I had stepped inside the building.

My hands and feet were moving on their own accord at this point.

I followed the sign that read ‘Her: Exhibition’ and arrived in this big room with tall ceilings and clear white walls.

On the walls were paintings after paintings and in the middle of the room was a big installation piece made out of glass bottles.

I was in complete awe at what I was seeing.

Stepping closer towards one of the paintings, I saw that it was titled ‘Ninety Miles’.

It was an abstract painting consisting of two dots and a long stretch of line in the middle.

My lips twitched into a smile.

This painting was about us...

about the stupid long distance between us.

My eyes then darted to the next art piece next to it.

There were some study cards stacked on a canvas and it was covered in splashes of watercolor.

It took me a second to know that those were my study cards! I used those when I was studying for my finals at lan’s apartment.

My eyes were starting to get blurry, but I pushed through it.

I wanted to see more.

Walking to the next art piece, I saw this big black painting with slashes of bright red paint.

When I got a closer look at it, I noticed that there was something else on that canvas other than paint.

There was a piece of red lace underwear, all torn up, but it sat beautifully in the middle of the painting.

It was trash, but it became an art piece.

Isn’t that my red underwear? The one I wore that night when I met him and we...

"You like this one? It's one of my favorites,"

I heard a familiar voice and my head whipped around automatically.

lan was standing right before me.

Wearing an all black attire, his dark brown hair was pushed back and his facial hair was neatly trimmed.

He looked as cool and as fierce as ever.

"lan?"I gaped.