Chapter 117
Chapter 117
Harper
Panic is the first thing I feel the moment my alarm goes off, waking me for school. My brain is buzzing with all the things I need to do as the semester wraps up. I’m about to start finals and I'm so behind on studying. I've been spending all my time with Easton when I should have my face planted in a book. God, I'm so worried about those tests. If I don’t ace them, my parents will kill me, and colleges won't be impressed. My parents don't have the funds to pay for school for both my brother and me, so we have to rely on scholarships. Scholarships that require a certain grade point average. An average that is easier to maintain when you're not spending twenty—four—seven with your sexy boyfriend. At least there hasn't been any drama for the last month. We had an easy, fun-filled Thanksgiving break that didn't involve any spray painting or nasty posts from WHGOSSIP. Things have actually been—dare I say—quiet. So, I don't know why, while I lay in bed, my stomach is churning. Why I feel this knot in my chest. Why my blanket feels far too warm. I kick it off and the cool air in my bedroom hits my skin, making me realize how badly I’m sweating. There’s a pool under my back. More on my neck. The room is spinning and my mouth is watering. Oh no. I fly out of bed and run across the hall to the bathroom. Fortunately, I get up before Ryan, so I don't have to bust in while he’s in the shower. I rush over to the toilet and everything in my stomach comes up. It hurts—the pain in my chest, the ache in the pit of my gut, the burning in my throat as I retch. And then I hear, “Got too fucked up with Easton last night? '
My brother is standing in the doorway, laughing at me. “Screw you, '
I say, flushing the toilet and going over to the sink to brush my teeth. I swear I closed the bathroom door, but maybe I d forgotten. Regardless, he’s an asshole. “Dude, you've heard me puke my brains out plenty of mornings after I've gotten fucked up with your boyfriend. '
“I didn’t get fucked up. '
I didn't. Really. Two beers and a hit of his joint, I can’t call that fucked up. But, man, it messed with my stomach, which is funny because I didn't feel all that buzzed when I went to bed last night. I drop some toothpaste on my toothbrush and scrub my teeth, getting the awful taste out of my mouth. Once I spit, I look at Ryan and say, “Close the door, I need to shower. '
“Lightweight, '
he jokes. I give him the finger, but it’s too late, he’s already gone, and I quickly strip and get under the warm water, trying to relax. But even the heat can’t take away this feeling inside me. This heaviness in my chest. The uneasiness in my stomach. I finish washing my hair and body and I get dressed, twisting my hair into a bun, not bothering with makeup. Ryan drives us to school and as I’m walking through the main entrance, Sadie’s the first person I see. I loop my arm around hers, resting my face on her shoulder. “Ugh. '
“Babe, what's wrong? '
“No. '
I pause. “I mean, I got sick this morning, but I don’t think I'm sick, sick. I’m just stressed AF. '
She pulls me into an empty nook by her locker, giving us privacy from the other students in the hallway. “Talk to me, what's going on? '
“It’s stress. It’s eating at my stomach. '
She nods sympathetically. “Been there, I know exactly how it feels. Maybe if you talk about it and let it out, you'll feel better. '
“It's my grades, Sadie. If I don’t ace these finals, I’ m not going to get a scholarship, and then what? No college for me? Or student loans and a mountain of debt for the rest of my life? And where am I goingContentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!
to go? Where is Easton going? What will that mean for us if we go to different colleges? '
‘You're right, that’s a lot. '
She puts her hands on my shoulders. “But you get the best grades and you're going to kill your finals. If you need to take a few Easton—free days, then do it. Bust out some heavy studying and then’—she smiles hard —“make up for lost time. '
But every minute apart seems like an eternity, especially when, come summer, we'll probably be heading to different states. Ones that will be far from each other. “Has Easton talked to you about his college plans? '
I shake my head. “I haven't asked. I don’t even want to bring it up because I don’t want to face the reality. We'll probably be plane rides away from one another and then what? I can't afford a plane ticket, never mind buying one once a month. '
“But he can afford it. '
"Sadie ... '
“I know, not the point, '
she says. “But you can’t stress about this now. Graduation is months away and so much can happen between then and now- '
“Like me falling even deeper in love with him. '
She pulls me against her, hugging me. “Oh, babe. It'll work out ... I promise. '
“And if it doesn’t? '
She’s silent for a few seconds, and then, “That's not an option. I don’t even want you thinking that way. You and Easton are perfect for each other. '
“Harper? '
Easton says. His voice startles me, and I release Sadie, finding him standing only a few inches away, concern etched across his face. “Hi, '
I whisper to him. He glances at Sadie, and then back at me. “What's wrong? '
He holds out his hand, waiting for me to grab it, and when I don't, he reaches for my waist and pulls me against him. “What happened? Did someone say something to you? Is there more spray paint— '
“No. '
I wrap my arms around his neck. “I was just having a shitty morning, but I'm fine now. '
As he stares at me, I can tell he’s trying to get inside my head. I break our eye contact to quickly look at Sadie and mouth, “Thank you, love you. '
She smiles and nods and leaves me alone with Easton. “I don't like seeing you upset. '
“I'm not, '
I assure him. “I mean, I was, more like overwhelmed with school stuff, but Sadie talked me off the ledge. '
“Why didn’t you come to me? '
His expression doesn't change, but I see the hurt in his eyes. “Sadie was by the entrance when I came into school. That's the only reason I vented to her first. '
I bury my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. “I tell you everything, you know that. '
The sound of the bell goes off and I add, “If we're late, it’s detention. '
Words we live by now since he no longer has the hook up—something I'm extremely grateful for. “I'll see you next period, '
I tell him, giving him a quick kiss. “Harper— '
“I promise I’m okay, don’t worry. '
I chew my lip, knowing it drives him mad. “And you're mine after school. I have a little plan for us. '
“What? '
“What's not the question, Easton ... it’s where.”