Forbidden Desire

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing the woman who had sworn to love me countless times was now in the arms of another man. So many questions raced through my mind… Did they know each other? If so, how? Why were they so intimate? How long had she been deceiving me? Everyone was staring at them, seemingly searching for answers, and I was just another spectator in what seemed like a couple’s drama. She had thrown herself into his arms, and now as I looked closely at her, I noticed her eyes were filled with tears. Was she moved? Sad? Or did she love him so much that even a hug made her melt? I had a million doubts, and none of them seemed to have an answer. Only one thing was certain. They already knew each other and were very intimate. Was that why she was so cold with me last night? Because she was already with him? Was that why she was almost leaving the house when I arrived? She didn’t want me to come so she could be free with this guy? Did she lie every time she said she loved me?

“Answer, Jane!”

I was shouting, and I didn’t care about the people around. I felt her shrink upon hearing my shout, and that only made the man holding her embrace her even more. I had never felt so angry in my life, and before I realized it, I was going towards them with the intention of pushing them apart.

“Jaemin,” Jane exclaimed.

Before she could finish her sentence, he stepped in front of Jane, standing between us, staring me down in front of everyone, and my blood was boiling.

“Hey, you don’t need to treat her like that!” Jihoon warned.

His voice came out as a warning, and seeing the way he was looking at me only fueled my hatred.

“Who are you to tell me how I should treat My fiance?”

I stared at Jane, who was behind him, and shrugged.

“Or is she yours, and I’m just not aware?”

She seemed shocked by what I said, but he didn’t seem affected by my words, which only confirmed my suspicion.

“Is that it?”

“Jaemin…”

She tried to approach me, but the man in front of me wouldn’t let her.

“It’s better if you wait for him to calm down before you two talk.”

I looked into her eyes and couldn’t believe it. I had trusted her so much. I was enchanted by her way and her sincerity because I thought she was the opposite of Misun, and now she was doing the same thing. I realized my eyes were filled with tears, and I looked around, seeing some people approaching to witness the scene. It had already been humiliated enough for one day, so I tried to gather strength as I felt my legs weaken. It felt like I had been struck and was going down for the count. I had never felt so humiliated, and I tried to move my legs in an attempt to leave, but when I turned, I heard Jane’s voice echoing through the gallery, and I shuddered.

“Love, wait, I can explain.”

I turned to face her and could see the desperation in her eyes, which almost made me falter for a second, but then I saw his hands on her arm trying to calm her down, and I walked away, stepping firmly through the crowd that had gathered there. I heard Jane’s voice calling me from afar, but I just went to the garage where my car was parked, got in, and drove away aimlessly. I drove at high speed through the streets, not knowing where I was going, just wanting to step hard on the accelerator to take me as far away as possible from that gallery where the woman who swore she loved me had revealed who she really was. I saw the trees passing by quickly like a blur due to the high speed I was driving. I was so out of it that I didn’t realize when I ran a red light and narrowly avoided an accident as the car stopped just inches away, generating a screeching noise on the asphalt. My heart was racing, and I just rolled down the window to make sure the other driver was okay. Once I saw that he was fine, I drove away and stopped at a place where I thought I would never return since the last time I was here. The strip club where I had slept with several women and yet couldn’t be satisfied with any. I remembered the look on Jane’s face that night; I was so drunk that I tried to force her to have sex with me, and I still remember her asking me to stop. Thinking of her made my heart soften, and that couldn’t happen. I gathered courage and decided to get out of the car, already hearing the sensual music emanating from the place, but something seemed to hold me back. I tried several times, and I simply couldn’t go in there. I went back to the car feeling angry with myself and grabbed my phone to see if there were any missed calls from Jane, but there was nothing… Of course, she wouldn’t call me; she must be with that guy. I looked through my entire contact list and saw that there was no one I wanted to call, no one but her. She had enchanted me in a way that now that she had disappointed me, I didn’t know where to turn. Just imagining the woman who swore she was only mine in the arms of another made me angry, and when I realized it, I was punching the steering wheel until my hands hurt… When I finally realized that it wouldn’t solve anything, I took a deep breath and called the only friend I still had. After dialing the number, I heard the phone ring three times and then heard the carefree voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey, man, everything okay? What’s the miracle of you calling me?” Lee asked intrigued.

I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions and appear carefree.

“Nothing much, I’m at a Strip Club here in Gangnam and wanted to know if you wouldn’t want to meet me here for some drinks.”

I heard him hesitate, and now it was his turn to take a deep breath.

“Strip Club, man? What’s the idea? Where’s Jane?”

I chuckled sarcastically trying to cover up the desire I had to cry.

“I don’t know. Must be out there with another guy.”

“What? What do you mean, man? You’re tripping, Jane’s not like that. You know what, I’m here at Famous Burger, you better come here before you do something you’ll regret.”

“No, I need to drink.”

“We drink here. Come here, I’m waiting for you.”

Jaemin thought for a moment and looked around at some women entering the club, I ended up giving up and realized this wasn’t where I wanted to be. I ended up huffing and puffing and started the car, going to Lee’s hamburger joint. It took me a while to get there, as I was now trying to pay attention to the road to avoid any accidents. Upon entering the place, I saw that Lee was already waiting for me, sitting at the same table where I sat with Jane when I came here, and just remembering her made my heart ache. I sat down in front of him, and he immediately served me a shot of soju, which I downed in one gulp.

“Now tell me what happened? The last time we talked, you were all happy with Jane in Thailand. What changed?”

“She did! She changed! Yesterday she acted like Misun. She didn’t want me to touch her. Deep down, they’re both the same.”

“No, it’s not like that. Something must have happened.”

I lowered my head, remembering the desperation I felt when I saw Jane faint after seeing me kissing Misun.

“Tell me what really happened.”

I tried to look away, and he knew me well enough to know something was wrong.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“I kissed Misun, and Jane saw it.”

He shook his head, and although I knew I was wrong, it didn’t justify her throwing herself into another man’s arms.

“But today was her exhibition, and I left for a few minutes to get champagne to celebrate because all her paintings were sold, and when I came back, she was in another guy’s arms.”

“What do you mean? What guy?”

I poured myself another shot and downed it feeling the burn in my throat.

“Venom!”

“What? That famous singer?”

I saw him widening his eyes and almost choking on his drink.

“But how? How did they meet?”

“I have no idea. Well, it seems he’s the sponsor of the contest she’s participating in.”

“And if she was just thanking him for the opportunity?”

I poured myself another shot and then turned everything upside down.

“Like that?”

“Of course she was emotional; didn’t you say all her paintings were sold?”

I stopped to think and reluctantly agreed.

“Yeah, but…”

“No ‘buts,’ Jaemin… You completely lose your ability to reason when it comes to Jane… You always think the worst and make rash decisions that only make her suffer. You kissed Misun, and now you’re trying to transfer that mistake to her?”

“It’s not that. I just can’t explain, but when I saw her in another man’s arms, I went crazy. My desire was to punch that jerk until there was nothing left of him. In fact, my desire is to hunt him down wherever he is and beat him up.”

When I realized I was clenching my fists, Lee looked at me with a smile on his face as he downed a shot of soju.

“Do you find this funny?”

“I’m just thinking about one thing.”

“What?”NôvelD(ram)a.ôrg owns this content.

“You didn’t react like this when you found out about Misun and Siwoo. You said you had already noticed their relationship and never said anything, but as soon as he touched Jane, you pushed him away.”

“Of course! He was bothering her.”

“And then you found out everything, all the cheating, and never talked about going after him, never even considered that idea. Do you see the difference?”

“Well, I think I was more tolerant with Misun because I loved her.”

He shook his head in disagreement.

“I think the opposite. You didn’t care so much because you never really loved Misun; it was always just your ego. But with Jane, you can’t stand to see anyone else approach her because you truly love her.”

I stopped to think about all the jealousy fits I had, and I realized that no matter what Jane did, I always felt jealous, but with Misun, no matter how late she arrived or how often she wasn’t home, I never had fits of jealousy.

“No. I…”

“Don’t you love Jane?”

I found myself thinking about all the happy moments we had together, all the times we made love, and she surrendered to me like no other woman had ever done. Everything with her was different and unique. I couldn’t even compare it because nothing I had felt before her was the same. I wasn’t prepared for someone as sweet as her; I didn’t even believe anymore that I would be loved after those two years with Misun, and she loved me from the first day. She melted me with her way, and I only hurt her with all this confusion. I remember the two of us in Thailand and the wish we made; our wish was the same, for us to always be together, and I was ruining everything.

“I love her.”

I admitted, realizing how real that feeling was.

“So you know what you have to do.”

“Propose to her!”

“Apologize!”

We spoke at the same time, and he widened his eyes upon hearing what I said.

“What?”